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You're best off using the PROXY protocol assuming your application(s) support it.
This is the solution. I reverse proxy from a digitalocean droplet running haproxy which sends traffic via send-proxy-v2, then I set the tunnel subnet as a trusted proxy ip range on traefik which is what haproxy hits through the tunnel, which causes traefik to substitute in the reverse proxied original ip so all my apps behind traefik see the correct public IP (very important for things like nextcloud brute force protection to work)
Would this work for my use case? I just want a service to be able to see the real source IPs but still going through a proxy
Depends on the service. What application are you running on the backend server ?
But I imagine this only works if TLS is terminated at HAProxy rather than Traefik, right? Otherwise how can HAProxy mess with the HTTP headers?