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What the hell is even "self care"? (self.nostupidquestions)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by dingus to c/[email protected]

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I have been trying out various therapy services lately (they all suck and do nothing, but that's another topic). One of the things that the therapists always ask/say is if I do "self care" or tell me to do more "self care". They talk about all kinds of different things that range from eating right to eating something as a treat to exercising to going for a walk to finding a hobby to etc.

So it seems like "self care" is literally anything that benefits your existence. And I'm quite frankly confused. I live alone and have zero responsibilities outside of work. Isn't every moment of every day when I'm not working considered self care? When I go home at the end of the day, I have dinner and dick around on the internet. I don't have kids or pets so there's nothing else to worry about. I don't have any extra responsibilities. My continued existence is "self care". I don't get it.

What I would understand in all of this is if I had maybe like kids or a sick family member I had to take care of. Is that who "self care" is for? People that have extra responsibilities? Because for those of us loners, basically our entire existence is self care. So I'm confused at what any of that is supposed to accomplish. I already do everything for myself.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago

The way I have been thinking about this recently is Spending Time vs Wasting Time. Spending Time is self care while Wasting Time is not. Spending time is doing leisure activities or anything that bring me joy that is long lasting. Wasting Time is doing something just to be distracting for the moment but once its done I don't feel really rested and relaxed. These Time Wasting activities give a little pleasure but I always feel a little bored during or afterwards. What is spending time and wasting time can change based on your values and what have been doing recently.

If we are using food as an example, spending time is a pot pie and wasting time is popcorn. Pot pies are healthy, filling and comforting when eating it and it lasts. Popcorn is satisfying while eating it but doesn't last and isn't that healthy. Nothing wrong with some popcorn but you can't live off it along. Spending time on the internet for me is like Popcorn. I do it often but I can't have it be all my leisure time or else I feel bored.

I really enjoyed Pleasure Activism to understand what is true lasting pleasure. It is not for everyone, since its a large number of short stories / essays with a specific viewpoint but its useful to think about.