this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2024
196 points (95.4% liked)
Asklemmy
43989 readers
1409 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
First off, I’m am not seeing really great communication skills coming from your end in your story here.
This is predicting. Or do you actually know he thinks this? The use of ‘insinuating’ sounds like you’re filling in a lot of blank space with your own narrative. Unless he came out and actually said this, private information isn’t necessarily an unspoken agreed upon trade. And if it was that would be a fault on his side.
And Just to get it out of the way: Introvert isn’t where you don’t want to socialize. It’s just a personality trait in how you recharge with or without socializing. Typical introvert would not avoid socializing altogether. They’d socialize and then excuse themselves for a time being. This is of course with healthy preferences of who to socialize with like any average person could have and that is perfectly fine but that isn’t a trait of what makes a person introvert or extrovert. That’s just having standards.
Either way, this just sounds like you have made a choice that this person isn’t for you and you have some unspoken boundaries and expect someone to know your boundaries without telling them. Even if you think you are being clear with social queues this might be a case of miscommunication of what a social queue is for you and what he reads communication(possible) . But I wouldn’t leave that to assumption.
People aren’t mind readers so of it is bothering you this much you could tell him like several others are suggesting.
after that if he doesn’t let up, see HR as that would be harassment at that point.
kinda disagree:
I'm the quiet one and most extroverts where I work at find that offensive. they feel offended because I don't ask them about their lives, lives I don't care about. I've told 3 coworkers already that I don't talk to them because I have to work and they react aggressively and feel offended, fully convinced I don't talk to them because I hate them.
But keep not doing their jobs, meaning I have to do my job and theirs while they keep talking.
Ok so now you’re adding more information here. 3 people. this sounds less about just having some standards and more of a pattern emerging here.
What you are describing is more in line with how an APD thinks and behaves and not just a mere introvert trait.
The introversion trait isn’t attached to aversion. It’s based on personal need. No one trait needs to be rude and throw all politeness out the window. That’s bigger than a mere trait. People with introvert trait (without comorbidity) can actually talk to people and have a social ability even at work and they do not shy away from socializing full stop. They take periodic breaks based on need.
Again: that’s predictive.
Something doesn’t compute here. Unless you’ve misplaced yourself into a customer based industry and you’re just not a people person: Having a mere trait doesn’t end up with a collection of people aggressive at work. Nor would it be so attached to aversion and delivering hostile narrative on what other people must be thinking.
There is a proper way to break a conversation without having to be abrupt about not wanting to talk. Simply having a trait doesn’t rule over basic common decency.
You sound like you have something else going on aside from just the introvert trait.