this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2023
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I had conversations with my ex on there so on the one hand, it is good I can't return any more to torture myself with reminders of what a piece of shit I am, but on the other hand my psyche irrationally feels despair because it cannot return to torture myself with reminders of what a piece of shit I am
You lost a remnant of someone you cared about, so it makes sense even though it was bad for you in the long run
Thanks for the offer, but for the proper effect you'd have to fall in love with me for a few years, then break up with me, with me getting weirdly clingy and longing in the following "trying to be friends" phase, with me slowly realizing what a bad influence I had been in your life and crashing into the realization that it was pure hubris of me to think I could be deserving of love and in a healthy relationship to begin with. That sort of messed-upness doesn't come that easy.