Rant

I have PTSD from basically being in the middle of a beautiful morning ride to work, then the blackest back out, then waking up in the hospital 3 hours later with no memory in between. Like I recall seeing an idiot double parked, merging behind an SUV, then nothing until removal of some glass severed a nerve in my face.

I have really good general awareness of what is around me and like I said, I avoid riding on the road. I can only barely ride. I was folded backwards badly in the crash.

Most of my pain is around my lower thoracic (ribs) spine. The motion of mid back muscles in my riding position are the therapeutic aspect that helps where nothing else has. The position that neutralizes my back only barely allows me to raise my head enough to see straight ahead. Even then I need frameless glasses because any top frame obscures my through-eyebrows view. I still look further downwards most of the time.

I commuted so much at night in the past that I learned to watch for occultations of lights that I know are on the trail ahead of me in a position that anyone on the path ahead of me will cross. I know when to watch certain spots that will indicate anyone in front of me that I may need to watch out for specifically. Then I can just focus on what is more immediately in front of me. Holding my head up anywhere near my limit is painful. However, the more I can keep my head down, the more I can focus on relaxing my back muscles. It is this specific condition of my riding position and a fully relaxed back with the repetitive and continuous pedaling that makes all the difference. I have even tried some stationary trainers and they hurt me like everything else. The hard part is getting my back to relax. I can't even climb without major back pain. Just the balance shift from the incline makes climbing feel like a sword is sheathed down the center of my spine.

I'm experimenting with a back brace now that appears to be helping me a lot, but I haven't tried much more than staying upright for extended periods of time and cleaning up around the house. That may change things while riding in the future.

Knowing what is behind me makes me tense and obligates me to hold my head too far back. I'm better off clearly taking the lane as is my legal right, and checking every single legal box as I have learned from my court experience. If I survive another insane driver I have taken every measure to hit them back with every possible legal means.

I also tried a recumbent, but I think that is more helpful with people that have lumbar and cervical spinal issues. Even my neck problems are related to my thoracic. If I take off the brace I'm wearing now, which is just a corset-like belly strap belt thing from below my chest to my waist, I lose around 30 degrees of left rotation. Keeping this thing pretty tight, I get nearly all of my rotation back. It is like a weird switch, but thoracic damage like mine is super rare as this region has the most surrounding support structure in the back.