ADHD

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A casual community for people with ADHD

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Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

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founded 1 year ago

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rejection anxiety and real pain (self.adhd)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Mighty to c/adhd

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Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I've started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don't know how to deal with it. Especially I don't know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn't show (or those who didn't even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don't think I should do that. But I also don't know how to pretend like it doesn't hurt....

Any advice about rejection anxiety and ... well, real rejection?

Thank you.

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[–] dohpaz42 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that quality trumps quantity. Don’t look at it as right or wrong; good or bad. Think about it as what met your expectations, and what didn’t. Take what didn’t meet your expectations, and learn from it. Don’t burn your bridges with those who couldn’t make it; they may have forgotten, or something came up. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. Finally, focus on the positives: you had five people show up for you! That’s awesome!

[–] Mighty 2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Thanks for the perspective. I don't know what to learn from it. Reading the comments here makes me think that many of us learn the same dark lessons: don't socialise, stay alone.

But again: how do I respond to "how was the partyyyy?!"(Big smiles)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

"It was a bit of a bust, haha. But the six of us had a good time. How was your weekend?"

[–] dohpaz42 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

“Not bad, I had fun.”

If it’s someone who didn’t go, “Hey, sorry you missed it. Maybe next time? It was a blast.”

Try to stay positive. It’s too easy to give in the negativity. Negativity is like a basket of crabs; you try to pull yourself up, but it will grab you and drag you back down. If you’re okay with that kind of life, stop here and keep on keeping on. If you want to be happier, ignore being alone and sad and do something about it (fake it until you make it).

When you feel sad, feel sad. But don’t “be” sad. You’re not a sad person; you simply have sad feelings. And it’s okay to feel things. Allow yourself to process those feelings.

[–] Mighty 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for the insights. I don't think I can say I had fun or similar, when I didn't. I had anxiety the whole night and felt incredibly awkward and ashamed.

[–] dohpaz42 2 points 2 months ago

That’s ok. It’s a process and takes time. You got this!