Humor
"Laugh-a-Palooza: Unleash Your Inner Chuckle!"
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I think it's possible I'm at least a bit lactose intolerant. I haven't really looked into it because I know I'm not stopping, so what's the point? Is life without milk, butter, and cheese even a life worth living? I seriously doubt it. No offense to those living worthless lives who can't help it!
There's a whole world of culinary delight waiting for you when you realize that dairy isn't the only flavor! I became severely lactose intolerant a long time ago. It was sad at first, but after trying a variety of Indian, Chinese, Korean, and other Asian dishes, I found it to be a lot more enjoyable. There's so much more to life than using mountains of cheese and rivers of gravy to make something taste good.
Cope
There's more to life than whacking off to porn to get off, but damn if it's not quick, easy, and relatively shame-free. Cheese is much the same way.