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How can I improve my communication with a friend I like? (mander.xyz)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

40 comments fedilink hide all child comments

There is this guy I like, I have reason to think he may like me too but we're both playing dumb, or maybe I'm just imagining it all.

Yes, that's how immature I am. Now please help me.

We've known each other for years and we seem to get close to each other, then we take distance, then close again, repeat, repeat, repeat.

I'm terrified of losing him as a friend for trying to be more than just that. I've already lost people for showing my interest and I've also had to burn the bridge with guys who wouldn't give me space or kept hitting up on me repeatedly. This happens.

I would like to create a consistent, regular conversation going on. I'm afraid of overwhelming him so I don't even know what's a good frequency to reach out.

Personally the biggest challenge for me is finding ways to deepen our conversations. Things tend to stay pretty much on the surface most of the time, even though we can talk of almost any topic openly. Another barrier is our very different interests, we have almost no shared media in common (different music, different shows watched/liked, different videogames liked etc).

Usually when talking to other friends, conversations tend to naturally steer towards more meaningful topics. I don't know if I'm inadvertently holding myself back with him, or if finding meaningful topics has always been a thing started by the other person and I've never realized it.

So, any tips?

Have you got ways to deepen conversations?

Guys, have girls ever impressed you positively and how?

Thanks

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Your and his age are gonna be major variables here. Conversations and relationships work very differently at different life stages.

You sound like you're maybe a teenager? Try asking interesting questions that require some thought to answer, but still leave room for your friend to give an easy thoughtless answer if they want to. Where do you think we'll be in X years? What's something you thought you wanted but as you've gotten okay have realised you actually don't? What do you think we do now thar future generations will think is crazy? Listen to his answers and ask followup questions.

Personally, I've always been most impressed by directness, honesty, intelligence and courage.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (3 children)

36F 30M, both neurodivergents if that also plays a role. Neither particularly lucky in love, though finding people to date isn't hard for either. Both in many ways immature so I don't take personally you presuming I'm a teenager. I absolutely feel as dumb as one to the point of asking this question. Thanks for the answer.

[–] bamfic 8 points 4 months ago

Neurodivergent romances are awkward as fuck. Dunno what to say except sympathy.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

relatable

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

After 30 you should both be able to handle rejection and reject in a nice way. Just make sure you are both sober and sprinkle lots of compliments.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's not me downvoting you btw. Maybe you are right, perhaps I'm not mentally prepared to handle it. At least I know what to talk about next time I see my therapist

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yes. A professional is much better than ransom lemmy advice.

Your therapist should help you realise that the worse case scenario (rejection) has already happened to you many times in other forms, and you survived.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Hey, what you say is true, but I still find value in the opinions of a bunch of strangers. It's not professional, yet it helps me see what the majority of people would think in my shoes. It's a check-in with reality in a way. I don't think I could get that talking to a single person no matter how good they are. They're two completely different things.