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How can I improve my communication with a friend I like? (mander.xyz)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

40 comments fedilink hide all child comments

There is this guy I like, I have reason to think he may like me too but we're both playing dumb, or maybe I'm just imagining it all.

Yes, that's how immature I am. Now please help me.

We've known each other for years and we seem to get close to each other, then we take distance, then close again, repeat, repeat, repeat.

I'm terrified of losing him as a friend for trying to be more than just that. I've already lost people for showing my interest and I've also had to burn the bridge with guys who wouldn't give me space or kept hitting up on me repeatedly. This happens.

I would like to create a consistent, regular conversation going on. I'm afraid of overwhelming him so I don't even know what's a good frequency to reach out.

Personally the biggest challenge for me is finding ways to deepen our conversations. Things tend to stay pretty much on the surface most of the time, even though we can talk of almost any topic openly. Another barrier is our very different interests, we have almost no shared media in common (different music, different shows watched/liked, different videogames liked etc).

Usually when talking to other friends, conversations tend to naturally steer towards more meaningful topics. I don't know if I'm inadvertently holding myself back with him, or if finding meaningful topics has always been a thing started by the other person and I've never realized it.

So, any tips?

Have you got ways to deepen conversations?

Guys, have girls ever impressed you positively and how?

Thanks

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[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

After 30 you should both be able to handle rejection and reject in a nice way. Just make sure you are both sober and sprinkle lots of compliments.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's not me downvoting you btw. Maybe you are right, perhaps I'm not mentally prepared to handle it. At least I know what to talk about next time I see my therapist

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yes. A professional is much better than ransom lemmy advice.

Your therapist should help you realise that the worse case scenario (rejection) has already happened to you many times in other forms, and you survived.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Hey, what you say is true, but I still find value in the opinions of a bunch of strangers. It's not professional, yet it helps me see what the majority of people would think in my shoes. It's a check-in with reality in a way. I don't think I could get that talking to a single person no matter how good they are. They're two completely different things.