Sooooo. I've been circling this for a little. I love a good quadrant of the people I have met on here. You've had such wonderful energy and have just been some real dope ass folks. Some I don't know how to explain it. The meat of the being that I absolutely love about humans. That zhing, the soulful bits you know? But I intentionally took a fat step back from the internet as a whole because I actually dislike the way it's gone. I think we're using it as a dick rag so to speak, and taking all our frustrations and throwing them around like shit. I equally dislike what I considering bullying, which basically means sitting around and laughing at someone. As I know we've all been there, but at the end of the day I don't think promoting it in any form is really doing anything but helping it spread as a form of communication as a whole.
Reason why I am writing this? Made some love art, made some cool convos - and have overall been having a solid time. Personally don't like weed, apparently can't express that online. But that's also part of the issue. See, I get that life can't be one single way. I think all of us know that. Hell there's enough variety between all of us alone to get that. But I also don't think that there really is anywhere online currently that offers people to have multiple opinions (which is what they are) and not be seen as some kind of "flame war" or something. Which has never been my intention. I just want to express myself, because I am a human being and this is a space to do that.
But that's all to say, that when I found this PieFed I really though that I finally found a place which promoted conversation, thought, and gave you the occasional interesting tidbit or cool jam. But it seems that I was wrong, it feels more like I have entered the echo chamber that I have always sort of stood against but equally - have felt absolutely uncomfortable around as a whole. Not to add the hippie-dippie beliefs of people's energy sticking to your being like might or muck. And while I do not prescribe to toxic positivity, I think a little effort is due to one another (as a whole) because we're in dire times and we need to uplift one another or sink as a group.
But eh, this is all to say that I have been rapidly dabbling with the idea of deleting my account. Just sort of leaving the system and going back to my relatively quite life. It makes me sad in a way though, because I have had so much fun talking with you guys. As a whole, I mean I think you guys are just stellar. And it bums me out. But I also think, there's really no point in keeping something that I have seen things I expressly dislike (I suppose habits is how I'll express it). But equally, if I were being honest - and this is going to sound...heterophobic/racist I guess? I don't go out of my way to talk with white people and I don't go out of my way to talk with straight folks and I think the general consensus is that the internet is probably majority white and heterosexual. Which might be why I myself am not totally "feeling it" in the first place. But also just being a weirdo you never really have any place in life - you just don't. No matter how hard you try, you always stick out like a sore thumb. That's the reality of the matter.
And I apologize if I have rubbed some the wrong way in posting this, but could someone ultimately give me some...guidance on the matter? Or just tell my ass to press the delete button. Cause like I said, I've met some fine folk on here, but damned if there aren't some real pecker woods that remind me of why I don't really "do" the internet as a whole.
Eh, end rant. Halp?
It's tough. I know some very small communities that are entirely positive but they aren't very interesting because there isn't much contribution. I also tend to withdraw but after 10+ years of isolation, it has effected my mental health. I am trying to reenter communities and find friends and I'm trying to be more tolerant of things that I find annoying. Here's an example of why, I've been with my husband for 20 years and he seemed perfect at first but over the years his ADHD has gotten worse and now he has some annoying tendancies. Those things cause him a great deal of stress, and if I let them cause me stress then we'd both be miserable and maybe even divorced. I am working to accept and appreciate his struggles and see the differences as a place where I can share and help and provide for him. I hope its making me grow as a person and I hope it will help me better tolerate others and not focus so much on what I don't like or don't agree with. It's a challenge and seems to go against my nature, but I finally got tired of my nature. Not saying you should do something that doesn't feel right, but lately I've learned that my tendency for perfectionism may be creating more harm than good.
That said, feel free to take a break and step back and spend that time looking for another community. There's so many places to spend our energy.