Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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A great relationship with another person is worth more than the effort involved. They provide more to your life than you need to invest.
The problem is finding that person that does that for you.
You could go through a hundred or a handful of relationships to find that person. Until you have enough relationship experience to understand what you need in a partner, you will never know what it is like to find that special person that makes everything before them worth all that you have experienced.
The numbers aren't great. You are almost guaranteed to have to deal with some shit and have bad relationships in order to find that person. The worst part? Sometimes you aren't enough to deserve that person and it is up to you to become the person that your perfect partner deserves. Understanding that you aren't good enough for your perfect partner is hard, and becoming that person is harder. You do deserve to find that undeniable perfect love, if you can understand and work on your faults to deserve them.
The fault is almost certainly you. Strive to be better than your perfect partner deserves and be that person for them. Know when you find that person and understand what you need to be to surpass their expectations, surpass those expectations because they always deserve better than you are and you can be better than their needs in a partner.
That being said, if you can be happy alone, then be alone and live your best life without someone factored into your happiness equation. There is nothing that says you must have a partner to be happy, except your own needs. If you can be happy sexless and living life, great for you. That is a harder path because having someone to lean on when you need strength is hard, but not inviable.
No matter, be a better person to other than you were yesterday.
Understand yourself and be who you are, meant to be to be happy, even if that means your path in life is traveled alone.
<3
This is really solid advice here. Unfortunately most people are not able to follow this thinking. Sometimes you find someone but they change later. This usually happens when you get together at a younger age. The person you were with at 22 is totally different than the person they are at 30. Sometimes you “jump the gun” and get pregnant or get someone pregnant before you really get to know them. This happens when it’s been less than a few years and you haven’t experienced all the different emotions and feelings that happen with life and shit going wrong. How a person is when life is good is not a reflection of how they will behave when life turns sour.
My suggestion for people is to just wait. Wait before getting married. Wait before having kids. And wait before buying a house or other large purchases together. It took me to almost 40 and 5ish serious relationships and many not so serious relationships before finding my wife.