this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2024
20 points (85.7% liked)
Relationship Advice
2525 readers
52 users here now
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
When I find myself saying “I” a lot in my explanations of the situation to someone else, I usually realize that whatever anxieties or hesitations I am experiencing are coming from within. What I mean by that is that it’s usually something of greater personal context than the (potential) relationship with the person I’m interested in. You go into that a little bit with your explanations of your experience and time since your last romance. Dig deeper into what is making you feel the way you’re feeling. It might turn out that he has nothing to do with it!
Other than that, I would say continue to see him. It sounds like enough of you is interested in him that it’s worth further pursuing. Your concerns of leading him on just show you care for his feelings. That’s a good sign imo. It’s okay to carry on when you’re unsure, as long as you maintain awareness of his perspective. If you do, you’ll better know the moment you’d really have to make a decision.
Forgive me for making assumptions about you, but your writing reads to me like someone with enough self-awareness to worry themselves into a box. Channel that self-awareness into self-reflection, trust your gut and your self, and I think you’ll be just fine. Regardless of whether it works out with this guy or not in the end. Rooting for ya!
I don't often worry about anything, but I do when it comes to relationships, I just never seem to know what is the cause of my feelings. I have been trying to trust my gut as you have said and that's why I continued to date him, because I do like him and I have felt like I wanted to go on dates and kiss, etc. What I found interesting and why I made this post is that my gut stopped me from going any further than making out with him. But could be due to all the aforementioned anxiety about the situation itself. Thank you for your comments!
Apologies then, bit of projection on my behalf, admittedly. That’s the crux of this format — I have neither enough context nor insight to your experiences to really give specific enough advice. All I can say with certainty is that your body is telling you something. It’s important to get to the reason (not that you’re not trying to, of course). That process looks different for everyone. Though it doesn’t work for me, writing in some form helps a lot of people gather their thoughts. Long walks are another one that works for people. You’re welcome for the comments, I hope you find clarity soon!