this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2024
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I am angry
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A place for angry people to come and be angry about things without discrimination.
Also, a place for non-angry people to come and read and comment on angry people's posts. Don't be dismissive to ragers because I am notoriously generous with the banhammer.
Note: I say Angry People, not bigoted people. Being angry at people for how they are born will get you blocked with an astounding quickness.
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I have been passed around from field expert to field expert for most of my life, therapy, medication, meditation, physical therapy, and none of them have provided a working solution.
They HAVE on the other hand kept me from doing several truly stupid and life destroying things, and that's why I continue to pursue ever avenue available. There's no relief from the anger, from the tension and high blood pressure, but at least I know myself not to buy a gun or carry a pocket knife, and it was therapy and meditation that taught me that.
I wish just once one of you sanctimonious blowhards could experience 24 hours in my shoes.
Do you know what it feels like to get so irrationally angry at a tag from your shirt rubbing you that you tear the shirt off while literally growling in the middle of a movie theater? Because I sure as fuck do and none of you will understand how powerless it felt to do it or how ashamed I feel when I remember the looks on the faces of the other people in the theater.
Do I consciously know that it is inappropriate to expose yourself in such a setting? Of course I did.
Did I also consciously know that the tag rubbing my skin shouldn't be a big deal BUT FUCKING HELL NO MATTER HOW I SQUIRMED OR SCRATCHED IT JUST GOT WORSE AND WORSE?!?!?
I never for a moment made a choice 'Ok I will now stand and tear my shirt in half'.
it was 'I am so OVER this TAG' and an eyeblink later I had ruined my 2nd favorite shirt and was shortly escorted out and banned from the theater.
and that was AFTER roughtly 20 years of therapy and three rounds of medication.
Face it, no matter how accepting people like you claim to be, if my disability isn't visibly disfiguring you assume it is just a mood.
I'm not banning you because I'm hoping you might fucking learn something here.
I have learnt enough. Some people are beyond help.
See? I learned that years ago. Glad to help you rip off that bandage.