introvert

Looking at people with their glassy eyes staring at the pretty lights, making small talk. The talk is small and meaningless. The entire point of the conversation is meaningless. The people appear to be performing humanity. They appear to be communicating, but no transfer of information is occurring. It sometimes makes you think that the other people are fundamentally, something. Something seems wrong with it: the ceremony, the pointlessness, the wandering around in circles. The conversations are those of dogs barking through a fence. They carry with them no language and no information. The dogs do bark, though. Why? If there wasn't any information being transmitted they would be silent. The neurotypical engages in small talk for the same reason that dogs bark. The barking is the noise that carries the emotional state of the barker. People transmit emotional state information through small talk. The rituals are elaborate excuses to convey that state information to others. Emotional state information can be related to danger, food, well-being, whatever. The point is that the information is both very wide band and very dense Therefore, it is very useful. You, as an autistic person, are deaf to this in information and so seem like a color blind person or a stubborn person or a deaf person to allistics. Either way, the information is useless to you. Don't bother performing. If you want to go alone, you don't have to explain yourself. There can be pressure, but don't think about it too much. The information is worthless to you anyways. People might be trying to be helpful, but unless you trust them and can legit unmask, you just have to deal with it. Animals bark, people talk. Whatever. I intentionally take a supremist attitude here to illustrate how engrained allism is in culture.