My mother has complained for years how her adopted parents didn't do a good job raising her. At the time they had three kids of their own and then adopted my mother and her sibling who are their nieces. One day I did the math and pointed out to my mother that her adopted parents were only 25 when they took on 5 kids and did she think their age had something to do with it? It blew her mind and gave her a whole new perspective ... for a few minutes. Then she jumped back on the whinge wagon. Sometimes what we want to see is more important than objective observations.