For starters, I am self diagnosed. I have brought it up to my family doctor, therapist and psychiatrist a few times. Each time I was shut down because I either didn't have problems with communication (or some other dated reasoning) or that there was no point to be diagnosed as an adult because there are no support systems for that. Which was disheartening to say the least. I always knew I was not neurotypical but I didn't have the words to describe it yet. I was just quirky, weird, introverted but also out spoken with a strong sense of justice. I began going down that rabbit whole because of tiktok, honestly. It had been on my radar before hand but I had an ignorant view on what autism was before that, I had never even heard of a female being diagnosed. I was however diagnosed with ADHD when I was 26. As well as schizotypal, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. To name a few. None of them felt right to me. Until that is, I started listening and reading about autistic women when I was around 28. I had just had a 6 week trip to the mental health ward and was unknowingly on the road to the end of the bad relationship I was in (a blessing). That's when I started seriously thinking I might be autistic. Four years later at 32 I have accepted my self diagnosis as truth and don't doubt it nearly as often. I do sometimes wish I had an official diagnosis but I understand that's asking for alot. Most doctors dont have the knowledge of what autism can look like in women, let alone that it is a spectrum.
I look forward to hearing your stories!
On the possibility that no one will respond to this post since our group is just beginning and I often ramble, I hope I will have the confidence to try again to begin some sort of engagement here. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Take care!
*Artwork done by me, @ strange.roots on Instagram. Just thought this post could use some colour.
I was this years old ๐ meaning 34. I was diagnosed officially in March of 2023 after being self-diagnosed for about 3.5 years before that. Never suspected I was autistic beforehand much the same as you. I just knew I was weird, felt stuck between pleasing people (and thus trying to be neurotypical and failing) and trying to be myself. I'm still not there yet but knowing about other women experiencing a lot of the same "milestones" in life has helped me. Aspects of your story match mine to a T, including the part about rambling, haha. I'm very happy with communities like these where we can share and not feel lonely so often. Being alone can be a choice, but feeling lonely, especially when surrounded by people who, seemingly or not, "fit in" is so so so detrimental to my mental health. I don't know what's worse sometimes: receiving compliments for being "so well-adjusted" and "so well-behaved" versus being stuck in my own head overanalyzing every little thing I do and say and never feeling like I did well or like I behaved like a "good human being" /End ramble ;-)
How was the process of diagnosis for you? May I ask what country you recieved the diagnosis in? Don't feel pressured, just curious. The people pleasing!! I actually ended up getting married and divorced thankfully but I was essentially an opinionless maid. I tried so hard to be close with my ex's family, attempting to balance being perfect with opening up a tiny bit to try and form some connection. Needless to say it never happened and I always felt I was at fault. It was luckily a short marriage of almost 5 years. I look back on it now though and think wow they were so boring and never coloured outside the lines!! I went from having minimalist decor and floors you could eat off of because I cleaned constantly. To now reverting back to my teenage self, dyed my hair purple, and stopped putting the pressure of neat and tidy and being perfect on myself and just be me. It's a work in progress but I am okay with that. Do you ever wish you'd been diagnosed sooner?
I was married in October 2014, separated in August 2015 and divorced January 2016 haha! The rest does not correlate but Jezus why do we do this to ourselves?! It's like our need to be normal is so all-encompassing that we need to check all the boxes....
The process of being diagnosed was quite quick. I think I was lucky though.
I live in Belgium, and the diagnosis was done by an independent clinical psychologist. It's not recognized by the government, so I cannot be request a full refund of costs nor can I request to be classified as a person with a handicap, but I don't feel that this is necessary for myself. I work, in IT, for a very nice non-profit and I love all the people I work with, from colleagues to management. I've been struggling with autistic burnout since January (well, probably way before that but masking...) And they have been so understanding and nice. I wish everyone would have my employer honestly. Where are you located?
I think it's just human nature to want to belong, at any cost necessary. It's easy to fall prey to the expectations of neurotypical society. At least that was part of my experience.
I live in Canada. Our healthcare is a joke. I found out when I was 25 after an emergency exploratory surgery that I have severe (stage 4 I'm told) endometriosis. Ive had three surgeries at this point including a hysterectomy. I complained about issues for 13 years and was told it was in my head. That I was complaining or making things up. I have been repeatedly dismissed by doctors even when I bring my medical documents with me to appointments. And bringing up autism was the same. At this point I'm not willing to spend over a decade begging for a doctor to acknowledge what I'm going through. I try and make changes that I have control of. One day that might not be enough but it's all I have the energy to do for now. I am currently self employed which will be ending soon. I use to have a great employer or so I thought. I managed a pet store for almost 8 years. I took medical leave and then they didn't give me my job back. I was so devestated I didn't fight back about employment laws. I've been struggling since. I am very glad you have a considerate employer. That stability is important. Especially while being burnt out. That grace is priceless.