spinellie

Damn, that's really unfortunate. I am sorry you are going through that. Is there a predicted timeline of arrival or is it unknown?

I'm not very knowledgeable about what meds you might be talking about. I know personally I'm a wreck without my ADHD medication Vyvanse.

I think it's just human nature to want to belong, at any cost necessary. It's easy to fall prey to the expectations of neurotypical society. At least that was part of my experience.

I live in Canada. Our healthcare is a joke. I found out when I was 25 after an emergency exploratory surgery that I have severe (stage 4 I'm told) endometriosis. Ive had three surgeries at this point including a hysterectomy. I complained about issues for 13 years and was told it was in my head. That I was complaining or making things up. I have been repeatedly dismissed by doctors even when I bring my medical documents with me to appointments. And bringing up autism was the same. At this point I'm not willing to spend over a decade begging for a doctor to acknowledge what I'm going through. I try and make changes that I have control of. One day that might not be enough but it's all I have the energy to do for now. I am currently self employed which will be ending soon. I use to have a great employer or so I thought. I managed a pet store for almost 8 years. I took medical leave and then they didn't give me my job back. I was so devestated I didn't fight back about employment laws. I've been struggling since. I am very glad you have a considerate employer. That stability is important. Especially while being burnt out. That grace is priceless.

Ive read a bit about how sometimes after people received their diagnosis that there was 'regression' in abilities and that they seemingly 'became more autistic' in part from learning to unmask. Something to do with certain aspects of ourselves being tied to masking so strongly. I too use to be a strong independent woman. I feel pretty incapable these days, I am much more aware of things that bother or upset me. I don't just put a wall up anymore and suffer through things the way I use to. It's awful to feel helpless. I hope you are able to get that diagnosis and find support. I also can link so many of the awful experiences I had to this day to being autistic. I was raised by a seemingly narcissistic single mother (who might actually be autistic, who knows - she doesn't like me 'trying to get in her head' when I ask questions) she never believed me when I told her what I was going through or what had happened. She would undermine me in the doctors office when I would tell them about things - because if something was wrong with me people would think it was her fault. She use to say my father was probably autistic, she meant it as an insult and her knowledge of autism is zero. My mother created a hyper independent young woman who couldn't ask for help to save her life. I struggle with perfectionism. Dealt with suicidal ideation the majority of my life. I instinctively isolate when I'm feeling any large emotion because I can't bare to be a burden. My mother made up fairy tales about why I was the way I was. She use to tell me how I was going to save the world. That I was actually other-worldly. She hinted at fairy mythology mixed with her own imagination. Praised me for being an old soul. But at the same time also made fun of me and told embarassing stories on the regular. Like one time I was grounded (age 7-8?) And I smashed my wooden kids chair against the wall in a fit. When she came up to my room I was just sobbing and trying to put it back together. How is that funny? I was clearly in great distress. That bullshit about babies being able to learn to self-soothing (which is completely inaccurate) probably had something to do with her parenting methods. I haven't talked to my mother in two years now. I shortly spoke to her for a couple months and before that it had been 4 years.

And I'm not one of those people who believes 'your parents did the best they could' that's just not the case for many children. My mom often told me and my siblings she never wanted kids.

I can't help but always enjoy artwork with lots of eyes. I really dig this. I am sure your partner was grateful!

How was the process of diagnosis for you? May I ask what country you recieved the diagnosis in? Don't feel pressured, just curious. The people pleasing!! I actually ended up getting married and divorced thankfully but I was essentially an opinionless maid. I tried so hard to be close with my ex's family, attempting to balance being perfect with opening up a tiny bit to try and form some connection. Needless to say it never happened and I always felt I was at fault. It was luckily a short marriage of almost 5 years. I look back on it now though and think wow they were so boring and never coloured outside the lines!! I went from having minimalist decor and floors you could eat off of because I cleaned constantly. To now reverting back to my teenage self, dyed my hair purple, and stopped putting the pressure of neat and tidy and being perfect on myself and just be me. It's a work in progress but I am okay with that. Do you ever wish you'd been diagnosed sooner?

Okay let's see..something good something good...I guess my creativity that spreads across all aspects of my being. From my sense of humour to my art to how I can think outside the norm or being able to see things from seemingly infinite angles. Because of this I rarely feel bored.

I do however become overstimulated quite often because of this same thing. Constant ideas and opinions flying at me. So much information to take in all the time!

Like mentioned in another post how they can experience music in a way not everyone can. I also feel and truly experience music to a point of overwhelm and I never know when it'll be a good or bad reaction because I have a really hard time realizing I am overstimulated until I crash.

I think if I talk to much I can become overbearing or appear self-centered. I worry too much about what others think and perceive me as which in itself could be a special interest I imagine.

Stray cats are the best! My partner's cat after two years is now finally fond of me. I am usually good with cats so I just gave her space, would give 1-2 pets here and there when about to give her food or water when she seemed open to it but not that often because she would try and bite and swat. But now she honestly won't leave me alone some days and is very needy. My partner even seems jealous sometimes I think because all the animals now love me best. Which I don't feel sorry for, being their #1 rocks.

My main special interests are art and plants/nature. Those come in many varieties. I like painting & drawing, crafts, sculpting, sewing, embroidery, and beyond! I go through spurts of each and cycle back, never knowing how long I will be hyperfocused on anyone thing. Plants has been a big one for atleast 5-6 years now. The problem with plants though is that when the hyperfocus ends you still need to care for them and sometimes it burns me out, but I always come back to it. Music use to be a huge one for me growing up. I've been told I know a lot about music history and remember so many songs and lyrics but it doesn't feel like it because I have heard so many more songs than I do remember so in comparison it doesn't seem like a lot. I use to play a variety of musical instruments too. Started with a keyboard went to bass then guitar then ukelele and mandolin, dabbled in harmonica and the spoons even! But Ive moved so many times in the last 15 years that hauling instruments that I played less and less became a chore. I also love my two Shiba inus, and animals in general. I use to bring home stray cats growing up and at one point had five cats. I have one of them tattooed on me too. It was distressing attempting to condense my interests.

That's my parters special interest too! They mentioned a few times that they weren't the type of autistic that had a special interest and/or was good at any one thing. And I was like, you really dont know do you? I've heard them giggle about people 'bragging' they had read 65-100 novels that year. Which to the average person I agree is a ton, but I am sure 600 isn't even an exaggeration about your wife because I wouldn't put it past my partner for doing so!

I forgot about Lemmy for a few weeks, there's not enough content that appeals to me yet because it's not quickly becoming popular like things like threads. I truly don't want to go to threads but it has content creators that I already like. It's frustrating! I'm gonna try and post here and maybe us 15 people in women with autism will start something. I just need to get past the desire to post something of value.

Yayyy, thanks for creating this community. As of today June 20th 2023 there are only a few posts. I am a bit nervous at this time to create a post myself but hopefully I will get over that as more people find this community!