this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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I don't understand why I can't be blunt. (self.autism)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by larsthespacepirate to c/autism
57 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let's try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I'm coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it's so annoying when my family, who knows I'm autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I've explained multiple times that I'm not trying to be rude and I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn't work. I just don't understand why I have to say "hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)" in some high pitched voice when I could just say, "can you not let the dogs tangle?" in a tone that conveys I'm serious. it's so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I'm having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it's helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I've tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they've been unsuccessful but I'm continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it's not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

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[โ€“] larsthespacepirate 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

that makes a lot of sense, orders are annoying. in the case of the dogs, I'll purposely walk ahead to keep them not tangled, and tell people that, and they walk even closer, so I guess I'm just not thinking about throwing in a please ๐Ÿ’€ but hey, now I have a new challege: be polite even when three dogs are ripping you in opposite directions

[โ€“] SweetBlueAlienJunk 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

That sounds so frustrating! Lots of inconsiderate dog owners out there. I don't know if this is a thing where you are, but we have a thing where a yellow collar or yellow ribbon indicates a dog who needs space. Now that may not actually be true for your dogs but it might encourage some more clued-up dog owners to give you a wider berth. Doesn't solve the overall thing you were asking about but might help a bit with dog related issues.

ETA: 'Please can you help me to...' would work better for this as well.

[โ€“] larsthespacepirate 3 points 1 year ago

that's so cool, what? I'll definitely have to look that up, maybe try and make it a thing in my neighborhood ๐Ÿ‘€ it would definitely be helpful, as there are dogs in over half the houses in my neighborhood