Atheist Memes

Soooo, he let your ancestors get enslaved, sold, beaten, tortured, and shipped around the world by assholes…

The traditional argument I've heard boils down to Satan being the tyrannical enslaver and God being the liberator. They were freed from bondage in the same way that the Jews were freed from Pharaoh's Egypt. Emancipation is a Christian victory in a holy war.

All of this, so he could someday help you throw that pigskin for 2 touchdowns…

This is where Old Testament Theology intersects with modern Evangelicalism.

A bunch of the early books talk about various Jewish prophets and preachers climbing their way into positions of influence or rule, by demonstrating commitment to the Covenant. Victory is a demonstration of your piety, not your physical aptitude. If you are the Most Faithful then you will lead armies to victory and stand at the right hand of the powerful and claim/reclaim your old Kingdom of Israel.

Evangelicals are less invested in Israel as a state than in the general idea of theocracy and of a "Godly Country". You achieve greatness by advocating for Godliness. You find yourself in this privileged position not because God wanted you to win the game, but because God wanted you to testify to his greatness. Winning is simply an opportunity to evangelize. Whether you're the King of England or the Winningest College Football Player, your status only persists so long as you evangelize in God's name.

You won the football game in order to gather a crowd. You got that crowd in order to deliver this message. If you stop delivering the Good News, or you deviate from God's Plan, you'll stop winning the football games.

Victory is a Mandate From Heaven to follow your lead. Except when its victory by a heretic, in which case it was Satan's plan. So don't just follow anyone who wins. Take the victories of your ingroup as proof of your righteousness. And assume any defeats involved Satanic Cheating.