Ask Women

Trying to find my place here on Lemmy. I’d love to meet some other women on here

I am a Millennial woman. For most of my life, my closest friends have been men. I believe this is because many of my hobbies are considered traditionally male (such as contact sports or history). I also studied in STEM and have prioritized my career over finding a partner whereas most of the women in my area tend to stay in the city for most of their life (go to school, work, marry, have kids, etc.). So, I fully acknowledge that a large part of my problem is my own fault.

I've found that even if I reach out to female friends, they don't respond back or reach out to me so whatever relationship there is fizzles out.

Is there something I am doing wrong? Are there topics which women commonly discuss which I could learn about so I can contribute more to conversations?

Personally my hypothesis is that the women I meet are close with the friends in their area so they don't need to maintain friendships with women they aren't close with (literally or figuratively) whereas my male friends have largely moved for work and perhaps since we're all lonely, we make more of an effort to stay in touch even though we're in different parts of the world. The solution I can think of is to stop moving around so often and stay in one place.

I really do crave friendships with women and would love someone to do Pilates with, discuss fashion or go shopping, go for brunch with, or any other activity which I do with my male friends (sports, museums, etc.). I just can't seem to get a message back.

Thanks in advance for any tips/advice.

I'm a man myself, but I'm a foreigner where I live and work, so I sometimes get the impression that my intelligence is a bit underestimated by employers and coworkers. I'm a sous chef, so in a management position, and I often get this feeling like the chef de cuisine, the owner, and sometimes some of the cooks aren't listening to me. Like I'll have to reiterate my point two or even three times at a meeting before I get a relevant answer, or I'll send a memo out and the changes I've instated aren't being adopted after the fact, or someone I'm talking to might vacantly say "yes" as if they're occupied with something else.

Yesterday I asked the chef a question about a recipe that only he could answer and he said I could google it. I'd already googled it just to be sure, wouldn't you know. The day before, the owner told a cook, who then told me, that we all together were planning to put all delivery receipts in a neat little box and adopt a system to check they're correct, but I'd already done it alone a week earlier, and told them all about it, with photos and everything. I feel like I'm going mad.

I hear that this is a (more) common experience for women, so I wonder if any of you have any tips or tricks or whatever to make yourself heard, or to at least cope with not being heard, or even just a bit of commiseration is fine. Cheers!

Those of you who have been here and on Reddit, do you find this community to have in general more or less misogyny than Reddit?

Not sure how many people are subscribed to this community, but I think there’s a few of us out there!

I think every woman is forced to grapple with this question as they enter adulthood. What has been your experience? Did you change your priorities at any point?