Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Winter_Search8794 on 2023-06-27 01:17:20+00:00.

I am the oldest of three children. My brother (37) Tim and I (39) are very close. We attend the same university and my husband did his residency with his husband (it's how we met). Over the past five years, the four of us have started renting a house together somewhere in the world for the month of August.

Last Saturday, we wee all at our mom's house and the topic of this August's trip came up. Our younger sister "Tammy" (34) was there with her husband Jim. Tammy, who had all the opportunities Tim and I did chose not to go to university. Jim has a GED and no other education. They both work in the service industry and are barely making ends meet. Tammy has long ben jealous of the difference in our lifestyles and often hints we should chip in so she can join us for some of the fun things we do. Tammy mentioned that she wished she could join us in August but clearly couldn't afford it, nor could they take a month off of work. She then hinted that perhaps we should chip in for her to be able to join us for a few days.

I wanted to cut that off so I said it was a shame but "choices have consequences. You did choose not to get an education and to marry someone with no education." My sister was very offended and she and Jim left.

Tim, who like me is sick of Tammy's pity party says I was justified but mom says AITA and I should apologize. Thoughts?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DistinctSky7055 on 2023-06-26 21:43:27+00:00.

My (27M) girlfriend (25F) and I often go on road trips together. No matter how many times I suggest using our smartphones and navigation apps, she says she has fantastic "inbuilt GPS" skills. The reality is that we end up taking wrong turns, getting lost, or late to our destination almost every time.

So, recently, we went on a trip to a national park three hours away. She insisted on navigating. Midway through, we were lost once again, which led to a lot of frustration for both of us.

When I brought up using Google Maps or something, she goes off on how tech can't always be trusted, and she loves figuring out roads like a puzzle. By this point, I was fed up, and I told her that her navigational skills were awful and got us lost every single time. She got super upset and said I was demeaning her abilities.

AITA for being real about her navigational skills?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/neighborhoodzombies on 2023-06-26 20:43:00+00:00.

Last week my sister’s (30f) husband (32m) asked me (26f) if I wanted to hangout & I said no.

My sister has been married to him for 4 years & he and I have not always gotten along. It’s caused obvious problems in the past but we have worked through it.

The last 2years we have been able to move on & coexist really well within my family bc I thought it was understood what our dynamic is supposed to be.

Last week he texted me asking if I wanted to meet up & get coffee. I honestly have no desire to hangout with him like that so I tried to deflect the invite by suggesting he bring my nephews too & we could go to the park or something & he doubled down on wanting to hangout with me individually to “connect and find common ground.”

Personally, I feel like we don’t need to hangout alone bc, 1. We have a history of getting into it & I don’t want to put myself in any situation where that could happen again, 2. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be hanging out with my sister’s husband by ourselves, and 3. I don’t particularly like him & we have legitimately nothing in common so it just doesn’t feel natural for us to hangout.

I told him that while I appreciate his offer, I don’t think we need to hangout. I said it doesn't feel like an appropriate relationship to have with an in-law IMO & things have been good lately so I don’t think we need to make this relationship any deeper & risk messing anything up.

He was so upset with me & said that he will need to “reflect and think about how this will impact things moving forward bc I cannot accept a sort of false reality where we pretend things are good when they are not.” He said he will be setting a new boundary with me & now my family is really worried he is going to withhold my nephews from me as ‘punishment.’ (Yes he’s that type)

I just wanted to set a clear boundary of what I am comfortable with & I don’t think I should feel any sort of obligation to hangout with him just bc he got married into my family.

I’d also like to add I have 5 other siblings that he has never asked to hangout with alone, only me. AND I have a SIL who has been a part of my family for 9 years now, who I adore her, but we’ve only ever spent alone time together less than 3 times.

It’s now turned into a big problem between me & my sister bc I refused to spend time with her husband. I told her this was my attempt at keeping the peace & meant no harm by it.

I shared with her that I would feel more comfortable if we went through her if there are any future problems between him and I & she told me she does not want to be in the middle.

I made it clear that this does not mean I have any issues with him, I just want us to continue to maintain our relationship the way it is & grow from there.

Hanging out individually is not something I am comfortable with & I was trying to set a boundary with him. AITA for not wanting to hangout with my sister’s husband alone?

Edit: We’ve met several times to discuss ‘our problems’ and it alway just comes down to being fundamentally different. He also is constantly trying to convert me to his beliefs and blaming me for our issues when I won’t budge. I’m not mad but I don’t want to engage or put myself in another situation like that.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Effective-Answer-20 on 2023-06-26 19:06:42+00:00.

I (23F) live in an apartment with my fiance (24m) and our 4yo. I have always had a good relationship with my sister (16F). Ever since I moved out of my parents' house at 18, she has always just been allowed to come over to hang out whenever she wants.

On Thursday, my lil sis just stops by to hang out per usual. We spent about 20 minutes catching up, just chatting about our lives.

After that, my sis noticed that my fiance had one of the new playstation games that is part of a franchise she is really into. So her and my fiance got the game going and started both playing it on multiplayer.

So they were playing video games together and it came time to pick my daughter up from summer school. I got back to the apartment with my daughter and they were still playing the game.

My sister stayed over for a little longer. She helped me cook dinner and ate with us before going home.

After she went home, my fiance said he needed to talk to me. He said he felt awkward saying anything when my sister was there but she was flirting with him while i was picking up our daughter. She said that it was "hot" how good he was at the game. She also made a comment that she wishes that he wasn't my fiance so she could kiss him.

My fiance said that the situation just made him very uncomfortable so he just sat there silently ignoring her comments.

I called my sister confronting her about it. She said that my fiance was ok with the flirting since he didn't do anything to try and stop it. I told her that her comments were very inappropriate and that she can't come over until she apologizes to my fiance for making him uncomfortable.

She did end up apologizing to me for disrespecting my relationship. But I feel like my fiance needs a direct apology since he was the one who had creepy comments directed at him. My sister says she feels too weird to apologize to my fiance directly.

I feel like I'm the asshole because I'm risking my whole relationship with my sister over something she has already apologized for. Is it too much asking for her to apologize to him as well?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/t5unamie7 on 2023-06-26 22:12:19+00:00.

Am I being an ass hole for setting the boundary that I don't want my girlfriend to smoke weed or drink to the point her judgment is impaired while out alone with male friends?

In this situation this has happened. There is a good male friend I have met twice.

She asked for permission to smoke up at her male friends house.

I responded saying it was not okay if she got so intoxicated that her judgment was impaired.

He cooked dinner for her, they smoked weed and she passed out on his sofa.

She explained that he's just a friend, she does not see him in that way.

I said this was not okay that she was so high she fell a sleep alone at his home.

She called me controlling and indicating I am a problem for making her feel bad.

Thanks in advanced

Addition: Seems like a lot of people think I some how make her report into me her activities. So this is the message she sent to me.

"FYI - /name removed/ asked me to bring the leftover herbs over so we be smoking up later. Hope that’s ok"

This was my response.

"You don't need to ask for my permission for that stuff.

You know my line on these types of things. If your so intoxicated like from alcohol to the point you do something like cheat. Then we are over.

Your an adult and you need to draw the line for yourself how far you enjoy life at the risk of being taken advantage of or when you know your judgment is impaired."

Summary

1 - She was asking permission. It was not a conversation. She messaged me to confirm whether I was okay for her to smoke up.

2 - I don't ask her to ask for my permission on this stuff. I try and get her to take responsibility.

3 - pre context is she goes out and has been to parties with female and male friends. We have had the discussion and I set the boundary with her that it's not okay for her to go out and get intoxicated to the point she passes out or has impaired judgment like pissing in the middle of the street.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/veggieevengeance on 2023-06-26 22:53:11+00:00.

I(26f) live in a rented house with a single mother(30f) and her son(6m). I had another person living with me but they moved out and the mother moved in. I don't mind living with her and her kid. It's fine and we kind of do our own thing. I spend a lot of time at my boyfriend's place or working. Our work schedules collide so we really don't interact much but when we do it's fine. No issue there.

I want to start with saying that she clearly struggles financially but I don't think it's an excuse. I don't make lots of money either.

However I've noticed that my food would go missing or portions would be taken from it. I assumed it was her kid so I asked her if she'd stop him from eating my food. I was calm about it and she just said she would. It didn't really upset me when it first started. It started getting annoying when I'd get home from work and expect to have a meal's worth of leftovers in the fridge only to see it picked through or just gone. I kept bringing it up and she started getting annoyed with me bringing it up.

Just from observing them I realized that neither of them ever eat vegetables. And judging by the food that would get picked through and the food that would be untouched. Anything with green in it was avoided. Orange chicken would be gone but chicken and broccoli would be untouched. So I started putting vegetables in EVERYTHING. I find vegetables to be delicious. And anything green or not a potato does not get eaten. So I could mix some bell peppers into the food and it would be fine. I make a big portion of vegetables pretty frequently anyway so I just started putting it in everything I eat. If I had leftover mashed potatoes i'd pour green beans in and mix it up. If I had leftover cheesy/bacon fries I'd pour broccoli all over it and mix it in.

Usually my homemade stuff has vegetables in it but I started making sure everything did. I made a pot of mac n cheese(the kid's favorite thing) and poured in roasted brussel sprouts. Which is actually delicious to me and I'm eating more vegetables so it's a win win. She had been seeming annoyed but we were all home when I made the pot of mac n cheese. She was in the living room and saw me get out the brussel sprouts and was like "what are you going to do with that?" and I poured them in. She said I was being greedy and annoying. I just said "I like brussel sprouts" and that was it. She said "we need food" and I told her to go get some. Or stop buying only prepackaged things and your money will go further.

I think she sees this as some big act of revenge but I just simply want to be able to eat my food.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Wooden_Shop_8779 on 2023-06-26 22:32:51+00:00.

My husband works with a girl named "Lucy" who also happens to be part of our social circle. I wouldn't say she's close to us, but she's a close friend of a friend so we'll see her once in a while when there are group outings.

She also works with my husband "John", and I guess because we also see her outside of work, she thinks she's super close to my husband. I'm not a super jealous type, but I drew a line when my husband himself voiced discomfort at Lucy's behavior.

She likes to make jokes about being his "work wife", try and push me out of conversations with my husband (i.e. "you weren't at the office, so you wouldn't understand), and has tried to initiated one-on-one hangouts with my husband.

John has turned her down, and has also explicitly told her that she was making him feel uncomfortable and to stop. She's just laughed and brushed it off, and still continues. He hasn't brought it up to work yet because she's a single mom and he didn't want to get her in trouble. Her advances have mostly been just annoying, but it recently escalated which brings us to the issue.

At a BBQ, my husband was sitting around a fire pit with his friends. I got up to get food, and I came back right as Lucy came and sat down on my husbands lap while "joking", "your work wife can entertain you while your normal wife is busy". This was the first time she made a physical advance, and my husband immediately jumped up and pushed her off.

She laughed and told him to stop being so sensitive, and I could tell it embarrassed my husband. It was at this point that I told her, "Maybe if you had focused more on being a real wife instead of a work wife, you wouldn't be divorced."

Lucy immediately left the party after that, and I found out from our friend that she cried in her car. She's since skipped and avoided all events where I'm there with my husband, which has caused a strain with our mutual friend. Most of our other friends were on my side, but some said I was too harsh and that Lucy was just kidding around.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowAwayFoodMood on 2023-06-26 20:55:06+00:00.

I went to a Costco, and put a dollar in the water machine. I got my quarters, and a little boy came running up to me and asked, "Can I have one?" I figured he probably wandered off, and asked him where his mom was, and he pointed to one of the food court tables and said, "I forgot the pennies."

The mom was sitting here just watching, and she had this expectant look on her face, as if it was already a foregone conclusion that I would buy him a water. So, I'm pretty sure she put him up to it.

I'd seen that look many times over the years, and as a former doormat it really rubs me the wrong way when people just assume I'll do something. So, I said, "No, sorry, go ask your mom."

The kid says, "No!" and tries the coin return. It was less 'I refuse' and more 'No, that can't be', and I was starting to feel bad when the mom came to retrieve her kid. She didn't say anything to me, just dragged her protesting kid away after giving me a poisonous look.

I could have given the kid a quarter. It would have been a nice thing to do. I might have been TA because normally I don't mind spotting someone, and I've offered a few times. But that look. Aita?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/mulberrybushaita on 2023-06-26 20:41:36+00:00.

I (22M) am a college student and live in a house with 3 other guys. The house is owned by the parents of one of my roommates and we've lived here for 2-years. I am currently the only one staying at the house right now, the other 3 moved back home to work for the summer. Last summer, all 4 of us went home for the summer months.

Last fall we threw a party that got broken up by the police due to a noise violation from one of our neighbors. All 4 of us ended up getting charged with a couple misdemeanors. We always made a point to talk to our neighbors before throwing a party to let them know to please contact us before calling the police and we'll take care of things. All of them were very receptive to this, but we don't throw big parties so it never actually got to that point before.

Instead of just paying our fines, we decided to appear in court. We had gotten signed statements from 4 separate neighbors saying that on the night our party was busted, they didn't hear a thing. The officers that busted our party didn't make the court appearance and the judge ended up dropping our charges and we only had to pay court fees.

Last week, I was watching TV when I noticed an elderly woman in our front yard with a giant sheet. She had laid it on the ground and was shaking a mulberry tree we have in our yard. I went out and asked her what she was doing and she said she was harvesting the mulberries before they go bad. She said the previous owners let her do it for years. I politely asked her to leave but she kept making excuses about the berries going to waste and that she had been doing this for years. Eventually, I had to tell her that if she doesn't leave, I'm calling the cops.

A couple days later, a middle-aged guy knocked on my door, he said he was the lady's son. He told me that his mom had been harvesting the mulberries for years and that it's literally no harm for her to do it now that we are living here. I told him I just don't feel comfortable with it and given her age, if she fell or hurt herself, I don't want my friend's parents to be liable.

He got defensive and said his mom just wants to use the berries for some baking and I don't have to do anything. I told him I could try to talk to my friend's parents, but until then she can't take the berries. He told me I'm being a little punk and that the neighborhood is going downhill due to college kids moving in everywhere.

I told him that we've never had any trouble with the neighbors and he said something about a party being busted. I asked him how he knew about that and he stammered and said everyone in the neighborhood knows about it. I asked him if his mom was the one who called in the complaint and he denied it.

I told him that I didn't need to talk to my friend's parents, his mom is no longer welcome on the property and if I catch her trying to take mulberries again, I'm calling the cops. He had some choice words for me as he left, but I haven't seen him or his mom since.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AstroVienna on 2023-06-26 21:35:05+00:00.

I (17m) am the kid of divorced parents. I live with my mom, her husband Steve, and their daughter Molly (5). My dad lives halfway across the country, and is in no financial position to look after a kid which is why my mom has full custody. In spite of that, my dad and I are really close. We have daily video calls and send each other cards and presents on holidays and birthdays, and if it was feasible, I would totally rather live with him. That is all to say, I don’t need another “father figure” to take his place.

Anyway, the other day, Molly referred to Steve as “me and (my name)’s daddy” and I corrected her that he’s her daddy, not mine. Molly looked dismayed and asked me what I meant and said “does that mean you’re not my brother?!”. I explained to her that I have a different dad and that her dad is my mom’s husband, but that doesn’t mean he’s my dad. I reassured her that I’m still her brother and I love her and yadda yadda. Steve shot me a death glare and my mom just looked sad. Molly seemed to accept my answer and we carried on with what we were doing.

Later, my mom took me aside and told me she was sad that I hadn’t accepted Steve yet, and called me petty and cruel for “pushing your issues on a little kid”. She said that, like it or not, Steve is her husband so that makes him my “father figure” and that I “need to find room in your heart for both of your dads”. I told her that Steve is not, and never will be, my dad, and told her that “just because you hate my real dad doesn’t mean I have to throw him away like you did”. I was worried I would lose my temper even more than I already had, and left the situation to cool off.

In the time since, Molly has been asking me incessant questions about my dad and why my mom left him (she slept with her gym buddy but I’m not going to tell Molly that until she’s older, for now the story is that my mom just fell out of love with my dad). Steve has been avoiding me like the plague and being passive aggressive when we have to interact, and my mom has been been bugging me to apologize to him. She’s also been trying to find excuses for me to skip my video calls with my dad, but I’m not going to ever do that. Still, I’m worried I may have opened a can of worms I won’t be able to close. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ArtsyFartsy03 on 2023-06-26 17:00:33+00:00.

My boyfriend (25M) of almost 5 years proposed to me recently, and I (24F) said yes. However, I did make it clear to him that his proposal could have been planned out better. Of course, he got upset and began to say that “maybe the next guy will get it right”.

To give some backstory, my now fiancé and I have had some issues pertaining his family. Often, his family would make comments at my expense usually about my weight and how I cannot speak Spanish fluently even though I am also Hispanic. He has since apologized for them, but has never really said anything to his family about how they hurt my feelings. I have tried to get over it because I do love my fiancé and it should be about our relationship more than theirs..right?

Anyways, my fiancé decided to propose to me in the house that is being built for us that we are buying together. He invited his family to be there as well as mine. On the morning of the proposal I was dressed in sweatpants, a simple tee shirt , and with no makeup since we were planning on just seeing the progress of our house. Also, my sinuses were really bad and I could barely breath out of my nose so I felt horrible. My fiancé was aware of this.

We made it to the house and he had rose petals on the floor and I looked around and only saw his family behind us. I looked at him and he was already on one knee asking me to marry him. I felt like everything was happening so fast and we did not even get to have one second alone together because his parents were coming out from the hallway. However, I did say yes because I do love my fiancé very much. A little later, I saw some of my family come out as well and they were happy and wanted to take pictures.

At this point I still felt horrible and I felt that I looked horrible as well. It was not how I imagined my proposal would go.

My fiancé and I talked about what I would like to happen at the proposal, prior. I told him it was ok to have our families there IF we could have a nice moment together. I also told him that he had to make sure I was dressed nice. Also, I would’ve have thought that it was obvious that I needed to NOT be sick.

When I explained this all to him he got very upset and explained that “he needed to get it done before we went on vacation” and that he had already told his parents that we were doing it that day so he couldn’t change it. This was very confusing to me. It felt like he cared more about his family’s feelings more than mine and that this proposal happened to please his parent and not me.

He told me that if I wasn’t happy with how things went, then what was he supposed to do..propose again? Of course, I said no and that I love him and want to marry him but I just felt like the actual proposal could’ve have been better because ultimately I did not like it. Am I the Asshole in this situation?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/djg2899 on 2023-06-26 20:47:57+00:00.

My husband(34M) and I(29F) got married 4 years ago. We’ve been together for 7 years and a year into our relationship he gave me an ultimatum. That he wants a prenup and we can sign one if he asked me to marry him or if I didn’t want to we should break up. I was offended no doubt but I was told to suck it up and it was for my benefit to. At the time it definite wasn’t, I made a lot less and he wanted to go 50/50 on everything. We fought about it but in the end signed with mostly everything he wanted in tacked with some minor modifications. Main modification being if I had to be a stay at home mom I would get a “salary” for doing my job and he would pay for “6 months maternity leave” for me since I didn’t work for a company at the time that offered it paid. Otherwise he came in much wealthier than me and I was expected to pay for half of everything making 3x less than him. I said we should add a disability cause or a “loan” system in cause one person needed help but he disagreed and said he didn’t want me relying on him. It was professionally done by our lawyers (even though my lawyer told me it was a bad deal for me).

We didn’t end up having kids as he was starting an restaurant at the time of our marriage and we both were super busy. The restaurant had to be shut at the end of 2020 due to not making any money and he declared bankruptcy. He had to part with a rental property that he had because of the bankruptcy that has most of his net worth.

I on the other had bought a place 2 years ago which is where we now live in. I also make 6 figures and have a lot more investments and a good safety net now. I paid rent equally nearly half of what I made at the time toward my husbands place that due to the prenup I get no equity in (the place that is now the rental place he lost). So he is paying rent toward my place and furious because his job barely lets him afford rent and keep his Ford F-150 and motorcycle. He wants me to lower rent for him because he is struggling. I lowered it by $200 (it’s $1400 now) but he want it lowered further because we’ve been together for a while. I reminded him he tried to screw me with the prenup and let me struggle with a very high rent payment for years and I never asked for a reduction. We are still married because I enjoy his company but I am under no delusion why he made the prenup so harsh. I was only 23-24 during the prenup negotiations and even though my lawyer advices against it I signed without really thinking of the consequences. He also now wants to dissolve the prenup, which I said no to. My lawyer wanted a sunset date on the prenup after 10 years and he disagreed on the grounds that I might try to take his money after 10 years and I think I should hold him to the same standard. He is angry and embarrassed about the bankruptcy which sucks but I don’t think he should get a pass on the same rules he made me deal with when I was the one financially struggling.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Top-Trainer-7063 on 2023-06-26 20:58:29+00:00.

I, (F32) married my husband (M35) six years ago. I met him through a competitive soccer league. I played in university and he played semi professional before he moved to North America.

I have made an effort to learn how to cook meals from his country and have several cookbooks. He never complains and has praised my cooking often. We have cooked meals together for dinner parties and no complaints.

I am currently pregnant with our first child and his mom and sister have come over to be here for the birth and help for a while.

So the problem is that whenever I'm cooking all three of them have started coming in and changing stuff around. It doesn't matter if I'm making something from their country or not.

They have started coming in and saying stuff like " oh that heat is too high/low for this meal' and they will change it. Or adding ingredients, or things like that.

When my MIL/SIL cook they get all offended if I offer any suggestions. My husband says to leave them alone because they know what they are doing. But he won't give me the same courtesy.

So I've started walking away from the kitchen as soon as they change anything.

I will simply I walk out and go on to the deck with a sweet tea and enjoy the sunshine until it is time to eat.

Now they are complaining that I m making them do all the cooking and just sitting there doing nothing. I said that it was there choice to help out with that meal and I appreciate their help. My husband says I'm being petty and vindictive but I told him he said to let them help. So I am.

I am sitting on the deck right now watching them fight because when I walked out they forgot about the roast and now it is dry AF. I'm thinking I might go for a drive and grab a burger while I'm out.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/KitchenNo7706 on 2023-06-26 20:13:32+00:00.

The person in question is my best friend's wife. I'm 30m and my wife is 28f. We just welcomed our perfect baby girl in to this world 3 weeks ago. My buddy and his wife welcomed their perfect boy in to the world last week. We haven't seen my buddy or his wife since we had our daughter but yesterday we were invited down to their place to hang out.

Now.. my wife was an absolute champ during delivery. I think she put up a good front for me, as I was admittedly not much of a support system because I let my panic get the best of me. But she was joking the whole time through pushes, despite silently crying. She kept saying encouraging things to me (as if I was the one going through it. Ie: "you're going to be such a good dad", "she's going to be so beautiful", "I can't wait for you to see her", "I hope she has your eyes"). She was sweet as pie to everyone. She just handled it so fucking well considering and I'm so amazed by the woman she is and her ability to remain so calm in that situation. Now my buddy and his wife asked how the delivery was so I did gush over my wife and how absolutely awesome she was and how included she made me feel, etc.

I guess I should have known something wasn't right because I did notice my buddy start laughing and his wife was silent. When I finally caught on and had my "oh shit" moment, I asked what was wrong and my buddy goes "she basically bit my head off. She was screaming at the doctors, told me I was a POS, said my son better not look like me after everything she's gone through" etc, etc. I guess she just had a rough one, which is totally fine! But me gushing over my wife and how well she handled things thoroughly pissed off my buddies wife. We left later and my wife gets a text from the other wife saying "pretty bold of your husband to basically shit talk my experience by talking about how great you did. That was fucking embarrassing." Now I feel bad, I guess.. for essentially not reading the room. My wife told me not to worry about it but my buddy did say it started a fight.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FemaleOnWoW on 2023-06-26 15:35:16+00:00.

Four years ago my brother got married and I was supposed to be a bridesmaid with a +1. I was going to take my partner but we broke up shortly before.

When my brother heard we weren't together anymore he gave my +1 away. The invite was for myself + 1, not myself + partner, so I had invited a friend to attend with me instead. Around three days before the wedding he told me that I could no longer have the +1 as he had given the seat to somebody else. My +1 had travelled to my house for this event and was already there and ready to rock and roll. This really upset me so I chewed my brother out, cancelled my own attendance and stayed at home with my friend.

Fast forward to now, he's getting married again next year on my mother's 50th birthday (First one was a divorce within 2 years). My mother really wants me to be there and asked me to put the past behind me, I am okay with this so I said if he apologies I will also apologise and we'll move on.

The issue is that she is vehemently defending him over our falling out, saying I'm spiteful and I only think of myself. She said nothing about his poor communication and that he told me days before the wedding that my +1 was no longer valid. She just going in circles and asking me to do it for her but now I'm extremely angry because she's basically blaming me for the whole thing.

I spoke to her not long ago on the phone and I ended up shouting at her because she would not let it go that it was all my fault. I love my mother very very much but this just hurts me. I tried to explain from my perspective but she just dismisses it and claims "you were in a bad place back then" - which has nothing to do with and wouldn't have affected anything wedding related.

It feels like she's using my mental health as a crutch rather than addressing how crappy my brother was to do that to me, now I don't know what to feel, I'm still just so angry.

AITA for this? I'll gladly accept the verdict if I am, I just need to know...

ETA: I was single when I first received the invite, I just happened to be taking my partner when we got together.

EDIT 2: I'm a hot-headed, stubborn, petty AH and I accept that, thanks for setting me straight. I'm currently on the phone to my mother booking our rooms for his wedding.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Humble-View143 on 2023-06-26 15:08:57+00:00.

I 35f and husband 37m are expecting our 1st child after years of infertility at the end of August. I live in another country 3500 miles from my parents who are retired and are coming to stay with us for 2 weeks before & 3.5 months after the birth to help out because its high risk pregnancy/delivery due to chronic illness & a C-section. My husband travels for work & is gone multiple times a month.

I am the eldest, and this will be my parents first granddaughter but my younger sister Ashley 28f has 4 boys ages: 9, 7, 3,1. Ashley & I are not close and she’s always in a mess. She’s recently divorced from husband #4, has moved back in with ex-husband #1 father of her oldest & he isn’t the nicest guy, especially to the younger boys.

Here’s where the real problems lie, her 3 year old *Tyler is extremely bright but clearly has undiagnosed autism, he’s difficult to handle for my sister, has delayed speech, struggles with behavior and in Ashley’s own words “too hard to manage alone” so my parents keep Tyler 3-4 nights a week. Tyler’s father is not in the picture and the only male bonds he has are with my dad & husband. My parents were very excited about coming to stay when my daughter is born until they realized it meant leaving Tyler behind with his mom.

A week ago my mom made a “joke” about bringing Tyler with and I said I didn’t think this was a good idea, she quickly agreed & changed the subject. Last night my sister sent me a text asking about the logistics of getting Tyler a passport (a requirement to travel to us) so our parents could bring him along. When I told her that I didn’t feel like this was a good idea because it was too short notice to get him a passport, things were going to be stressful & chaotic, & ultimately I said he couldn’t come.

She BLEW up! Calling me a selfish AH before blocking me (this is typical behavior). My dad then called and said that Ashley told them she would quit her job if they left Tyler behind because there was no possible way she could work & take care of the other boys & Tyler for those 4 months & her ex she’s living with refuses to help with the younger boys especially Tyler.

I told my dad that if that was the case and they weren’t coming unless they brought Tyler that maybe they shouldn’t come, & they could make a trip later on. This sent my mom into crying hysterics & Ashley called leaving dozens of voice/text messages cursing me out, calling me all sorts of horrible names, & telling me she hoped both I & my daughter die during child birth. This went on until my husband made me turn my phone off because I was now extremely upset and physically ill. My concern is that with my own C-section recovery & health issues I already face, having Tyler underfoot with a newborn will just be too much. I adore my nephew but even my parents struggle with him. Now I’m feeling incredibly guilty because everyone is upset. So am I the AH for saying no?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Unlucky_Positive_536 on 2023-06-26 19:19:05+00:00.

28f and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have a 6yo son and a 11yo daughter. My mom took the kids for a few days so I could rest cause I haven't slept much more than 3hrs a night for going on 2 weeks (pregnancy bladder and insomnia) and my husband works really long hours (12+ hour shifts daily, as he's a manager and the company is short staffed). She picked up the kids last night.

So basically, I texted my husband at around 11am and told him I was going for a nap. I hadn't gotten to bed before 4am and was up at 7am. I fell asleep almost instantly so I didn't get any of the texts my husband sent me. Well, at like maybe 1pm I wake up to the dog being tossed on the bed with me, who proceeded to "get" my face. Shes not allowed on the bed so when she is up there, she acts like a psycho. I push her off of me in a sleep daze and look up to see my husband, smirking. I asked him why the fuck he would do that and he goes "she just wanted momma snuggles and I wanted to bring you out for lunch". So I said "Are you fucking serious right now?" got up and stormed out of the room. I was absolutely livid. I was finally getting sleep and that's disrupted by a dog smothering my face because he decided to leave work early to "treat me" now that I don't have the kids and it doesn't sit well with me. He knows how tired I am.

He says I'm an AH because he "just wanted to do something nice for me" but I argue that if he wanted to do something nice for me, he probably shouldn't have thrown the dog on the bed with me, knowing how she would act, when I was finally getting some sleep.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hot-Ad-0730 on 2023-06-26 17:34:17+00:00.

Let's cut straight to the chase: I (31F) was invited to my SIL's (25F) engagement party. At some point I told the (now ex) groom to be that he's very open minded to marry SIL when she used to have an OF account and even used to be stalked by crazy users in the past. Well, apparently her fiance didn't know about her OF account, so you can imagine all the drama that created between them. My SIL ended up crying and running away and my husband (28M) tried going after her, but his twin brother stopped him and told him that this whole situation is his fault for bringing that troublemaker (referring to me) to the party. I told him it's not a surprise that he's up for covering up someone's past considering what's in his and that made both him and their mother go off at me and my husband. We ended up leaving in order to get away from my husband's crazy family, but he ended up blaming me for uncovering my SIL's past to her fiance. I told him that if she would've been upfront with him from the start, then none of this would've happened, which finally silenced my husband.

Unfortunately his family wasn't silenced and after my SIL's fiance called off the wedding, they started blaming us (mainly me) for ruining her engagement party and relationship altogether. My husband wants me to apologize to her for what I said, but I obviously refused, just cause she comes from a family enabling bad actions that doesn't make them right nor should they be further coddled.

AITA ?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/EducationalFee415 on 2023-06-26 15:43:32+00:00.

I’m 16f and I live with my father and his gf. She always cooks things like boiled chicken legs and “baked” potatoes which are cooked in a pot of water and are severely undercooked and nothing is ever seasoned. She says that this is how her cooking class taught it which I know isn’t true because I took 2 cooking classes and this was not at all what we learned.

I offered to cook dinner last night and made some baked chicken legs, mashed potatoes and asparagus all of which was seasoned very well and perfectly cooked. Everyone liked it except for my dads gf who said that there was too much flavor and that she was going to be the one doing the cooking instead. My dad started arguing with her and she got pissed off that I cooked the way I did because now my dad doesn’t want her to cook anymore. She’s pissed off and idk if it was right of me to cook like I did

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/IAmNotMeEither on 2023-06-26 18:51:04+00:00.

Just like the title says. My partner has a long-term friend of over 20 years, and they have had feelings for each other back and forth for at least a decade. Over time, there always seemed to be something preventing them from ever getting together, and now my partner says they are done pining for them and is completely committed to me.

But that seemed to only encourage the friend's attention more, and recently while intoxicated at our home, the friend kissed my partner, and got in my face with threats and insults, directly stating that they should be with my partner instead, and refused to leave, even going so far as to call the police when forced outside.

Now, it has been less than 2 months since this event, and this friend has had a string of bad luck, and now needs a place to stay. So, my partner, out of a sense of loyalty to this long time friend, as offered our living room to them. Am I the a**hole for being upset?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sensitive_Button_936 on 2023-06-26 13:58:03+00:00.

I (26f) and my bf (27m) just got into a heated argument about his mothers lights being cut out this week due to late payments. His mom is short on her light bill because she decided to take over half of her bill money and spend it on other things. She is now expecting us to cover the cost. She claims she will pay us back this Friday but she has never paid back a full payment. One time we loaned her $100 and she only gave back $60 in turn making us short on our own bill. My bf is furious that I would want his mom to be without lights and that I don’t care. I would like to further explain why I don’t particularly care about her lights being out. Firstly she spends money on unimportant things like weed and cigarettes and sells her food stamps during the month so there’s that. Secondly when me and my bf split up about 2 years ago she was our babysitter while we both worked. (mainly mine bc our child lived full time with me) She would constantly say she couldn’t watch him making me quit about 4 jobs bc she couldn’t handle him (he was such a good baby though). So my uncaring comes from a place of resentment. She didn’t care that I had a child and bills so why should I care about her lights being out for maybe 2 dats. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fuzzy_Tadpole_1006 on 2023-06-26 14:39:24+00:00.

30f. Been with "John" for 12 years now. For the past 6 years I have desperately wanted to flip houses. I've wanted to do this since I was a kid but these past 6 years is when I really started to get a bit fixated on it. Every single year I bring it up to my partner and every single year he says "that would be fun" and he will help me search for fixer-uppers but it's like he goes out of his way entirely to turn me against every single property that I want, that's within budget. Then, after a month or two of searching with me, he will find reasons why it can't happen this year.

Last year really sucked. I have all my own money saved. It's not like I need him financially or even need his approval honestly BUT given that this is the love of my life, I do want his approval, you know? So I've just sucked it up and given in to the "well it probably won't happen this year but it can be our 5 year plan" talks. But again, last year sucked because I found a property that I was absolutely in love with. I wanted it in the worst of ways. It was an old victorian home with 6 bedrooms, built in bookshelves and dressers, etc etc. It was only $6k. It needed work, obviously. The electric was bad, the plumbing was bad but there was no water damage and the roof/beams/frame was solid. I know how to do plumbing but electric would have been an issue. That would have been a thing I hired someone to do and it would have cost a good penny BUT the place was only $6k. I had well over $80k saved. I pulled numbers from the surrounding homes and the RSV was roughly $190k for the area. I wanted it, desperately, and he found a reason for me to not get it (ie: "it's in a bad part of town"). So, I didn't get it.

Well, I stepped away from it all. I got a bit discouraged and just stopped looking. But I went on last week and that property was still listed. Same price. So, I told him I was getting it. I want it. He tried telling me it was a bad idea, there was too much work that needed to be done (I have the construction experience, he only has chef experience). I went and looked at it anyways. I determined that with my connections (dad and uncle- who both do construction, other uncle who does foundations, me- who does plumbing) it would only run me top dollar of $50k to renovate and I signed on the property and closed the same day for cash. He's mad at me for doing it and thinks it's a dumb investment.

ETA: we do not have merged finances. It is my money going in to the place. I understand house flipping is something that is often looked down on to some people. I'm not doing it is a "get rich quick" thing. The profit would just be a bonus. I truly just love renovating and it's something I've always wanted to do. If I fail, which I might, I'm not going to go cry about it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/silver_endings on 2023-06-26 17:57:34+00:00.

My fiancé and I own a house with a pool in the backyard. His brother, Jay, had asked the day before if him and his family (wife + 3 kids) could come over on Sunday to swim after one of the kids’ sports games, which was at a park close by to us.

Now, fiancé and I own a business together that requires WFH (work from home) on Sundays. Everyone that we know is aware of this, including his brother. I voiced my opinion that I felt it was weird for people to be at our house while we were working in the basement, but fiancé assured that it would just be chill. He said it’s normal for family to use people’s pools even if they weren’t home.

So, we let them come thinking that they would swim for maybe an hour then leave. But it wasn’t just them. Fiancé’s parents also came (we figured they would), but the kicker is that Jay also invited 2 of his friends plus their partners and their kids as well. We do know these people but both fiancé and I were not aware of this beforehand.

So now it’s a full on party in our backyard while we are working in the basement. I became very annoyed that they did not only invite themselves but some of their friends as well. It made me feel guilty that I couldn’t be in my own backyard to host people because I was working. It also felt like they were just using the house and didn’t really care about seeing us, the homeowners. Not to mention, the house was a complete mess. We had a busy Friday and Saturday and I didn’t bother cleaning much before because I figured it would just be Jay’s family.

Everyone was here from 1:00 PM til 7:00 PM. We finished work around 3:00 PM, at which time fiancé put on his swim trunks to join them outside. I got in a pretty bitter mood from it all and stayed inside. I didn’t say hello to anyone cause I figured they weren’t even here to see me, just my pool. I did some laundry and some cleaning up and I did end up seeing a few people who were coming inside to use the washrooms. I said hi and tried to make some small talk but I really wasn’t happy.

Fiancé came in and said that I was creating an awkward/unwelcoming atmosphere by not being outside. I told him I never planned to have a party today so I was just carrying on doing what I originally had planned which was laundry and cleaning.

Fiancé keeps saying that I was rude for not joining them outside after work. He also says things like “the pool is meant to be used” and that “it’s family time”. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SeniorHumor on 2023-06-26 17:58:16+00:00.

This happened last week, I posted this on r/mildlyinfuriating, many people suggest to post here too.

I went to a mall to buy a pair of sunglasses. I met the sales attendant and asked for a specific pair of sunglasses. She immediately replied that they don't carry them in-store, and I'd have to order them online. She asked if I'm interested in trying any other pairs, and I said okay. We started talking through the process, and we hit it off really quickly and realized we have so much in common. I complimented her hair; it was beautiful. She started showing pictures of herself with long hair from her phone, and I did too. I had a man-bun a few months ago. We had a good time and great conversations. I ended up buying sunglasses and said thanks for the talk and that I like her.

She asked what I'm doing later and if I wanted to hang out after her work. She said she'd love to continue our conversations. We exchanged Instagram. We continued our conversations later that night.

Next day, I asked her if she wanted to get some coffee. She said okay, and I asked her to pick a coffee place where she feels comfortable. She replied that she would text me the place and time. Around 5 pm, she texted me the address of a fancy seafood place. I reminded her that we were only planning a coffee date. She said she wants to go to this restaurant, and we could have a good time there. I jokingly said, "Well, we're gonna have to split the bill." She didn't respond for some time. Then she said, and I quote, "If you can afford those sunglasses, you sure can afford to pay a fancy bill." I responded that I can pay the bill, but I won't because we're just getting to know each other, and that's why I suggested a coffee date. Next thing She called me cheap for not treating her at a fancy restaurant. I said it was nice knowing her.

Same day evening, I made a reservation at the same seafood place she wanted to go to, but the reservation is only for myself. I didn't invite her. I went there, had a nice dinner, took a photo, and posted it on my Instagram story. She is still added to my Instagram, and she saw it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aitasister611 on 2023-06-26 14:05:41+00:00.

My (39f) sister(32f) had a birthday get together recently and brought together a group of girls for a day at the beach, I'd say I knew about half the girls there before hand. We all had a great time and all the girls seemed pretty nice.

However after the swim we went into a public changing room next to the beach for changing into dry clothing. The only issue was 2 of the girls were trying to enter with everyone else, lets call them M and N. They're both gay and openly in a relationship, which I don't have an issue with, but it definitely is a little uncomfortable undressing in front of them.

I know they wouldn't have tried anything, but I have a lot of guy friends I knew wouldn't try anything either that I still wouldn't want to get undressed in front of.

With this in mind I asked them to wait outside the changing room before everyone else got changed. M and N got offended and started calling me all sorts of things. Stuff about how ignorant I am, with most of the girls taking their sides. Eventually it all calmed down but later on my sister told me how annoyed she was at me "insulting" her friends.