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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FemaleOnWoW on 2023-06-26 15:35:16+00:00.
Four years ago my brother got married and I was supposed to be a bridesmaid with a +1. I was going to take my partner but we broke up shortly before.
When my brother heard we weren't together anymore he gave my +1 away. The invite was for myself + 1, not myself + partner, so I had invited a friend to attend with me instead. Around three days before the wedding he told me that I could no longer have the +1 as he had given the seat to somebody else. My +1 had travelled to my house for this event and was already there and ready to rock and roll. This really upset me so I chewed my brother out, cancelled my own attendance and stayed at home with my friend.
Fast forward to now, he's getting married again next year on my mother's 50th birthday (First one was a divorce within 2 years). My mother really wants me to be there and asked me to put the past behind me, I am okay with this so I said if he apologies I will also apologise and we'll move on.
The issue is that she is vehemently defending him over our falling out, saying I'm spiteful and I only think of myself. She said nothing about his poor communication and that he told me days before the wedding that my +1 was no longer valid. She just going in circles and asking me to do it for her but now I'm extremely angry because she's basically blaming me for the whole thing.
I spoke to her not long ago on the phone and I ended up shouting at her because she would not let it go that it was all my fault. I love my mother very very much but this just hurts me. I tried to explain from my perspective but she just dismisses it and claims "you were in a bad place back then" - which has nothing to do with and wouldn't have affected anything wedding related.
It feels like she's using my mental health as a crutch rather than addressing how crappy my brother was to do that to me, now I don't know what to feel, I'm still just so angry.
AITA for this? I'll gladly accept the verdict if I am, I just need to know...
ETA: I was single when I first received the invite, I just happened to be taking my partner when we got together.
EDIT 2: I'm a hot-headed, stubborn, petty AH and I accept that, thanks for setting me straight. I'm currently on the phone to my mother booking our rooms for his wedding.