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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/djg2899 on 2023-06-26 20:47:57+00:00.
My husband(34M) and I(29F) got married 4 years ago. We’ve been together for 7 years and a year into our relationship he gave me an ultimatum. That he wants a prenup and we can sign one if he asked me to marry him or if I didn’t want to we should break up. I was offended no doubt but I was told to suck it up and it was for my benefit to. At the time it definite wasn’t, I made a lot less and he wanted to go 50/50 on everything. We fought about it but in the end signed with mostly everything he wanted in tacked with some minor modifications. Main modification being if I had to be a stay at home mom I would get a “salary” for doing my job and he would pay for “6 months maternity leave” for me since I didn’t work for a company at the time that offered it paid. Otherwise he came in much wealthier than me and I was expected to pay for half of everything making 3x less than him. I said we should add a disability cause or a “loan” system in cause one person needed help but he disagreed and said he didn’t want me relying on him. It was professionally done by our lawyers (even though my lawyer told me it was a bad deal for me).
We didn’t end up having kids as he was starting an restaurant at the time of our marriage and we both were super busy. The restaurant had to be shut at the end of 2020 due to not making any money and he declared bankruptcy. He had to part with a rental property that he had because of the bankruptcy that has most of his net worth.
I on the other had bought a place 2 years ago which is where we now live in. I also make 6 figures and have a lot more investments and a good safety net now. I paid rent equally nearly half of what I made at the time toward my husbands place that due to the prenup I get no equity in (the place that is now the rental place he lost). So he is paying rent toward my place and furious because his job barely lets him afford rent and keep his Ford F-150 and motorcycle. He wants me to lower rent for him because he is struggling. I lowered it by $200 (it’s $1400 now) but he want it lowered further because we’ve been together for a while. I reminded him he tried to screw me with the prenup and let me struggle with a very high rent payment for years and I never asked for a reduction. We are still married because I enjoy his company but I am under no delusion why he made the prenup so harsh. I was only 23-24 during the prenup negotiations and even though my lawyer advices against it I signed without really thinking of the consequences. He also now wants to dissolve the prenup, which I said no to. My lawyer wanted a sunset date on the prenup after 10 years and he disagreed on the grounds that I might try to take his money after 10 years and I think I should hold him to the same standard. He is angry and embarrassed about the bankruptcy which sucks but I don’t think he should get a pass on the same rules he made me deal with when I was the one financially struggling.