My world view might have become too materialistic. But I just want more prestige, satisfaction, validation. More and more of it. Yes I probably won't ever feel "this is enough" because it requires a constant gradient of growth.
I'm not sure I even want to be happy. What even is meant by happiness? No, I know what happiness is. It just doesn't feel meaningful anymore, all these emotions. Like, nothing that makes me happy actually matter to me. I never feel happy for doing what I actually need. I don't feel happy while preparing food but I feel happy but only when I sit down and eat the food, even though eating food wasn't the harder part that I must be focused on. Happiness feels like mind's bait that is so addicting everyone is hooked on and want more of it. Some experiences admittedly contribute to me saying this as well
I don't really want to feel anything sad or happy, but focus on work.
Also for number 4, I really believe there are some objectively good and objectively bad decisions. I can see so many of the bad decisions I made it's too hard to ignore, and things that have implications to my personal life. When I want to do something, it turns out I'm too late. Or I have to do much more effort others don't have to spend. Or I make an effort on wrong things that have no benefit to me. And I can see what I should've been doing by looking at some people.
My reply might be kinda too contrasting to what you're saying but I'd like to hear your thoughts as well.
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It's really the reverse. I really only focused on stuff that mattered the least to me while others focused on exactly what I strived for.
I was unguided. Or ignorant. I feel like the line between these two are pretty blurry anyway. Perhaps a combination of these.
Now that I’m much older it grieves deeply me all the things I took for granted. All the missed opportunities. All because of some mix of laziness, lack of a long term perspective, lack of focus, lack of self discipline, and cowardice. Looking back, I realize many of my peers were more mature and focused.
I really feel this comment, especially the quote. I made so many mistakes that I regret now. And I'm just 17. I'm not sure how I came to this point. I want to avoid having my future self feeling similar to how I'm feeling.
This is really something I'd like to try myself. You're right that I'm just overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I can do and I don't know where to start. I also need to change some of my habits as well, but maybe I can try to attempt at least, which to me is the hardest part
I'm pretty harsh on my past, I just don't see why I shouldn't. I can find all the things I shouldn't be doing there, all the mistakes I did and some still do. I'd try to be as far away as possible and never come back.
I actually do feel pressurized. Time flows so fast. My birthdays come and go in a blink, as if, they don't even feel that special anymore. And when I go to sleep, I miss a gold. It's so fast I can't make the right steps all the time and accidentally step on sht so often. And there is no map either, except the wrongly written guides that just make you step more on sht for some reason.
What you're saying really doesn't satisfy whatever it is inside me. In fact, I could sacrifice these at least partially to achieve whatever it is that will satisfy me
I know some of those people so at least they're not lying. I told myself this all the time: "Oh they're lying for no reason on internet" "It's just being too privileged that makes you do these" etc. but there are really many people that are just genuinely good at using their time and opportunities efficiently. Lately I managed to at least partially do some the stuff I envied of other people, and it just makes me say "I want ALL of it". I want to know what they're doing when they wake up. I want to know how they think. Just whatever it is.
Maybe the title is kind of making you say what you're saying, but I really don't like how I've been using my time in the past. And I'm not using that to feel bad about myself. I just don't think I'm seeing through my mistakes enough. I can still change, like a lot.
Yes, I wish I could surround myself around such people more and more, it just helps you see things so much clearer. I'm still "looked up on" by most people around me and it actually pisses me up. Why are you telling me I'm doing very good, I'm the best etc.? It doesn't help me grow at all!
Let's not even think about these as "accomplishments". I really don't think they're as unpleased about what they're doing as much as I do, hence the title. Of course everyone have their regrets, that's not my point really. I need to do better because I feel the lack of it, isn't this valid enough?
if you don’t do them all before you’re 30 then you’re old and wasted your life and that could not be further from the truth.
I think they're actually right. I just look around, older people don't want to move an inch from their comfort zone. It's almost always what they do in their youth that defined who they are. If they are still doing good things in their life still, they were usually not sleeping around in their youth either. I think there is something about getting old that makes you less flexible in general, psychologically.
I'm definitely not where I want to be. I look at my last year, last 2 years, last 4 years, last 6 years etc. and it's as if I never done anything right with exceptions (something something broken clock). And when I try to do something today, many times I struggle because I didn't start early, or I just straight up can't. I can give so many examples to this today. Me sleeping around only hurts me in the future.
I just want to. And I believe I can, can't I? I don't think I lack anything they have. This is more of "I'm sad because of these people doing better than me" but "Oh, I can't believe I missed this. How can I do it myself as well?" approach.
Sorry I don't understand. How does this relate to the post?