alaphic

Terrorists these days... They just don't make them like they used to.

Whores steal lemons, obviously.

Oh, no, they're definitely playing games... Weird, oppressive, shitty ones, but definitely games. I mean, jeez, they just kinda collectively jumped the shark as an entity AWHILE back, I think we can all agree on that... (Not that the Dems are much better, obviously, but at least in general they aren't 'fuck feeding kids at school for free, they can work nights,' comic book villain evil)

"Coming up at eleven: The politician is just lying for your vote; The stripper doesn't really like you; Corporations are NOT your friend; If you're receiving a service you aren't paying for, YOU are the product; and, finally, we conclude our three-part series: Water - It's Wet As Fuck Tho"

You sausage thieving hussy 😤

I feel so seen rn

Yeah, right, like UPS would be here this quickly (ba dum tss)

then stay. Do just enough. Wait for an opening and force them to fire you.

Tbh, if you're working primarily to make someone else wealthy and you aren't doing this already, I have no idea what you're even doing with your life.

"Well, you see, according to parliamentary procedure bearing weapons is HIGHLY frowned upon, as it turns out. Quite beastly, indeed."

"What about the assault rifles they all came equipped with?"

"Oh, yes," attempts to look around room through glasses with 12 foot thick lenses; fails, but pretends to know what's going on anyway, "Well, we'll certainly be doing something about THAT! You mark my words."

"Fucking finally! Are we gonna charge them with sedition? Treason? Ooohhh, terrorism? There's so many choices I-"

"My aides have already begun drafting a semi-official non-binding statement condemning the disgraceful rapscallions and urging them to seek greater bipartisan cooperation and unity."

"Rapsc- ? Unity? Da fuq? CALL THE COPS, MAGOO, WHILE WE STILL HAVE-"

"I assure you, it's quite strongly worded. Oh, he'll definitely be feeling the sting of our retribution soon.... ish. Tomorrow maybe."

As Jon Stewart put it on an episode of The Daily Show following the election, "The Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are playing checkers"