VirulentAura

joined 1 year ago
[–] VirulentAura 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I will warn you, just in case you are sensitive, there is literally comical amounts of blood when a WBC cuts down a virus. Like, ten foot tall blood spurts, with them drenched in blood. No gore or viscera though.

[–] VirulentAura 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Fairy Tail has kinda a DBZ vibe, but the fights are over with in one or two episodes, not 45. (Funimation)

If you like suspense and psychological thriller, and don't mind subtitles, Kaiji is an excellent watch. It's about a man who cosigned a loan with a friend, from a bunch of loan sharks, and has to play increasingly deadly games to try to regain his life. It will take you for a ride. (Crunchyroll)

I really enjoyed Dr Stone. An apocalypse occurs, petrifying the entire world. Humanity starts to slowly awaken, and they try to rebuild the world while fighting against an opposing group trying to start a new world order. At least for season one. I haven't cought up recently cuz my depression has been kicking my ass. (Funimation)

That's all I got off the top of my head, and I hope it helps.

Edit: If you like Kaiji, it has two separate side stories.

Akagi is set in the 70s, I think, and is about a man who is apparently a savant at Mahjong, and ends up playing against a mob boss. wagering his blood against the bosses fortune. The show is really good at trying to explain the rules to the uninitiated without being condescending, and still keeping it suspenseful and engaging.

The other is Mr. Tonegawa's Middle Management Blues, more of a slice of life workplace comedy, centering around one of the antagonists of Kaiji, and trying to manage his employees while pleasing his boss. I didn't finish this one, cuz I got the point about halfway through, but I had fun while it lasted.

And I just remembered Cells At Work, also subbed, but an excellent romp which I would call "edutainment," but don't let that dissuade you! It anthropomorphizes different cells of the human body, describing their functions in kinda a slice-of-life meets monster of the week format. The white blood cells are the knife-weilding defence force of the human body, cutting down Power Ranger monsters that never were. Again, don't get put off by the edutainment label, cuz the edu and the tainment both hit hard.

[–] VirulentAura 3 points 1 year ago

You sound as though you might have some trauma from your past. I hope you are finding the help you need. Much love 😘

[–] VirulentAura 3 points 1 year ago

Oh I've always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. To a fault, even. I've been trying to keep a level head. You are right. Finding who I am, bringing her out of that cold, dark cell, it's intoxicating. Thankfully, the wife and kids are around to help keep me in check.

Unfortunately, too, I think I've unlocked a new set of neuroses. I'm worried I'm obsessing too much about my body hair, and I'm worried I've not been feeding myself right. Then again, old me was known to binge eat when stressed, so maybe I've cut that out since I'm me now? Gosh, this stuff is so hard to put into words. I feel like I need to invent whole new words to describe how I feel.

[–] VirulentAura 13 points 1 year ago

Yeah, that was about the extent of it. Walk to the fridge in the buff at midnight to get a drink for the wifey, or basically other "between clothes" bits. It's not like I was flopping around 24/7. Hanging out, watching TV, playing games, eating, w/e I was clothed. I'm not a prude, but I'm not a weirdo either

[–] VirulentAura 20 points 1 year ago

Respectfully, I don't tell you how to live your life, so please don't tell me how to live mine. In many, many cultures, the human body isn't immediately sexualized and nudity is common, or at least not looked at with disdain. Part of my thought process is that the human body isn't shameful. Even in "civilized" culture, first world countries, whatever you want to call it, plenty of countries have much more lax viewpoints than puritanical America. Nude beaches for example, arent sex crazed erection centrals. People have often sexualized breasts, but there's that whole "free the nip" and equality for walking around topless. The human body isn't something that is inherently shameful.

[–] VirulentAura 2 points 1 year ago

Pervert. I don't have to show you my ass just so you don't be a dick.

[–] VirulentAura 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, it was just my body. I think.... I truly had no association with my man-body. It... Wasn't mine? If that makes sense. I didn't care what happened to it. But, for example, I was making hot dogs yesterday. Good ones, not that rubbery shit. Some of the hot dog juice from the packet landed on my arms, chest, and shirt as I threw away the packaging.

I. Freaked. Out.

I was just about crying in the bathroom because I didn't have a shirt I felt comfortable in, and I WAS NOT gonna put on one of my old shirts, or walk around topless. I am so self conscious now, I wouldn't dream of it. I can barely get into bed without being covered now. (I sleep naked. I might change that soon though 😭 Sandpaper skin suuuucks) But, yeah, I guess I always thought of it as "his" body and not mine, you know?

[–] VirulentAura 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What is this, a kindergarten reading level?

[–] VirulentAura 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Okay, I'll make it simple since your reading comprehension leaves something to be desired: your bias is keeping you from allowing people to be themselves. The fact you don't see a problem with an entire subsect of people being excluded from an event shows that you are a disgusting person that shouldn't be allowed in public.

 

Ever since I came out to my wife and kids, and started being myself, my personality has changed, a lot. I'm more extroverted, weirdly enough. I've been a bit sharper with the kids, not in a mean way, but, more of a no-nonsense kinda way. I used to walk around the house naked all the time, but now I feel compelled to cover up. I blame a disconnect with my body on that one.

I feel more confident to just, go up and talk to people, ask if I can take their picture. I can make posts without second-guessing myself and deleting them.

I know it's all just me finally getting in touch with myself, but it feels weird, even to me. I used to be this demure, quiet, self conscious girl, but now that I'm letting her out, she refuses to go back into the box. It's like a seal was broken. I'm having anxiety about going to my nephews birthday party, cuz I'm not out to that part of my family, and most of them are fundamental Christians.

I did manage to talk to one of my brothers today, and he accepts me, though he has some bias. Basically told me if it was anyone else, he wouldn't be so willing. So I have some work to do there. Or not, if I can't help him see people as people.

Remember, everyone, not just the trans community: You are loved. You are valid. It's okay for you to be you.

[–] VirulentAura 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I don't care if you call it The Wibbly Fuck Problem. Stop worrying about what it's called and just do something about it. Damn. Everyone always worry about the unimportant shit.

 

Trigger warning: dysphoria, if it isn't obvious.

It's kinda fucked up, amirite? I feel like a couple of people tried to get me down today, and I stood up for myself. And it felt good! I've been waiting 37 years to be me, to be the bad bitch I always wanted to be, always being so demure, so quiet, so... Passive. But since I came out I've felt this energy, this confidence I've never had before. I even went to, and through the grocery store in full girlmode! Yoga pants hugging my excellent buttocks and all. (It's the one thing everyone complemented me on when I thought I was a guy) Nobody batted an eye, even found a cool dude promoting love and positivity

(I thought I got a good picture, but I didn't T_T. Imagine a 75 year old dude that rode his bike to Walmart, just... holding a sign saying "You're Loved." The coolest of cats.)

And then... My brain has been unloading every intimate detail of my childhood; being 7, and told I can't take a bath with my 4yo cousin cuz she's a girl, and I'm a boy, and you just don't do that. Boys don't play with Barbies. The hair growing all over my body at puberty. I've always called myself "wolf man" from all the hair.

I cried for 15 minutes yesterday because I had the realization that my mom will never put my hair up, just cuz I asked my wife to help me fix my hair while she was watching me play video games.

I cried for 10 minutes today after shaving my right arm, and seeing how pretty it actually is under the hair. And then my wife got upset cuz I told her yesterday I was gonna slow down, but then I cought sight of my ugly, hairy man-hands and needed to fix that right now, and shaved my arms this morning. Thinking back on that is making me feel really dysphoric. I just want to be like you (her).

I'm sorry for the vent. I just needed to clear my head. And I'm so sorry if I trigger anyone or ruin their day. I just needed to lament on what is probably a common experience.

 

Hi, girls! I have been wanting to make a post for a few days, and just need to get some things off my chest. I think I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum, and it's kinda hard getting my thoughts into a coherent order, but I'm gonna try.

Three days ago, I officially started my journey. I thought I was gonna start with crossdressing and go from there, but I'm fooling myself. I came out to my wife and children, which was both easy and hard.

Easy, because two of my children are NB and transgender.

Hard, because first, being yourself is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and second, my wife has always described herself as straight.

She has been extremely supportive. She's letting me wear some of her leggings that don't fit her any more, but fit me comfortably, and in ways I'd almost like. (It hugs my butt really well, but I don't have hips)

She's given me tips for shaving my legs, and has offered to help me learn how to do makeup and my nails, but she is struggling.

And it's a lot, for both of us. I love shaving my legs. I hate shaving my chest and face. And I think I realized, as I shaved my chest for the first time, I hate shaving my face, and now my chest, cuz it's in my way from looking as girly as I want. I hate shaving my face and chest because I have to to present as feminine, but I like shaving my legs because I get to and it makes me feel feminine. Gotta say tho, I (mostly) love the results from shaving my chest and belly. It feels really good(except for the stubble on my chest/breasts)

I've doven headlong into my transgender journey. Shaving my legs, butt, and chest. Wearing women's clothes at least in the yard of our apartment, kinda in public. I do throw jeans over my leggings when I go to the store and the like, cuz I'm still not completely socially out yet, but we are moving soon, and I feel like, maybe, in a new place, I can girlmode all the time? I don't have to worry about my conservative parents or siblings causing me hell because Jerry saw me at Walmart, and it getting back to mom when she goes to church.

I've also been looking for packing underwear and breast plates or breast forms, but I like doing my shopping in person. It's different seeing a picture on the screen and looking at it in person, even if it is through packaging.

I am worried though. My brain is screaming it wants female hormones. I hate all this body hair. I want full breasts of my own, not ones I have to wear. But I've read my sexuality my change. I don't want that. I love her very, very much. And, please don't hate on her, but the one thing she doesn't want me to get rid of is my penis, which is fine by me. I like sex. I like sex with her. But if I start hormones, there is a very real possibility that the sexual dynamic will change. I've read penetrative sex could be uncomfortable, as your sensitivity and the thickness of your skin changes. But! Getting rid of random erections sounds so great! But! If you don't "exercise" your organ, it could atrophy, possibly becoming nigh useless.

All this is a lot. I'm scared. I'm excited. My wife says that this is the happiest she has ever seen me. Ever. In our nearly twenty years of relationship, nearly 18 years of marriage.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. -VA

TL;DR: I'm transing my gender, and I'm scared and excited

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