Originally posted by u/psychologicalmind407 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 25, '23 updated on May 27, '23.
Note: A thot is an acronym for That Ho Over There.
Trigger Warning: >!Mention of Cheating!<
May 25, '23
AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my boyfriend after he insulted me about my “colorful” past?
This happened last night but my phone is still blowing up.
I F(26) dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend (27) a PS5 for his birthday yesterday.
He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We’ve been together for 4 years so the cost didn’t matter. That is until, I found out what he thinks about me.
Some background: When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after 3 months, and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work.
I found out a couple months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends but I didn’t know Jake long enough to meet his friend group, so I had no idea.
After finding out, I took some time off dating and two years later, I met my current boyfriend Mike.
I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends. He said he understood and my past didn’t bother him.
Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy.
His best female friend Jessica laughed and said “I wish I was a thot so I could afford a PS5 too.”
I looked at her with an “excuse me?” Look on my face and she just said “nevermind” and walked away.
I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said and I quote “she’s just messing with you. You can’t take a joke?”
So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with and he said “well, everyone knows you were a thot before you met me.”
I asked him to explain how I was a thot before him and he said “you know…messing with best friends?”
He then pat me on the shoulder and said that it’s okay because I’m not who I was back then and if he could get over my “colourful past” and “thot mentalities” to give me a chance, then I could get over Jessica’s comments and give her another chance.
I didn’t say anything. I just got up. Took the PS5 from the gift table and left.
He was PISSED. He literally called me like 20 times, but I didn’t care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it.
I thought that was done but Mike and all his friends including Jessica are berating me for being petty and they’re all saying I brought this on myself by making poor choices.
I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me so find someone who wasn’t a “thot” and get the PS5 from them because I returned it.
He started screaming how I’m “the biggest AH” for returning it and how I should be happy he ignored my “colourful past.”
I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far.
AITA?
In the comments:
NTA. Give him the keys to the curb.
Also- dollars to dildos he's cheating with Jessica.
Or shes a jealous female friend who wishes she was with him. But seems like they are close enough that they name-call his gf behind her back so you’re probably right
If they haven't- Jessica wants to at the very least.
NTA. Nothing about your past is even colorful. Omg you dated 2 guys that happened to be friends, good heavens, where are my pearls?! I must clutch them! Sounds like Jessica is either sleeping with this fool, or wants to be. She can have him. Use the money to get yourself something nice.
Judgment: Not the Asshole
May 27, '23
Firstly, thank you all for the support! I really appreciate it and I’m trying my best to respond to each of you.
Turns out, you guys were right. But, we’ll get into that.
Firstly, I unblocked Mike this morning and called him to talk. After a few hours of arguing, I finally got the truth out of him.
He said after I told him about my past, he was fine with it because it happened before him. Then, he got curious about who Jake and Adam were.
So, he went digging on my Facebook friend list and didn’t find Jake but he found Adam. He then condemned me for having an ex on my social media page. I said I don’t speak to the majority of people on my Facebook but I wouldn’t delete them, I just won’t engage.
He said that in his eyes, that was a red flag so he went digging - and he found what he was looking for.
He saw that Adam was well known and well liked by a lot of women because of all the women liking and commenting on his posts - and by the cars and trips he posted prior, he knew that Adam had to be well off. He also admitted to knowing some of the women who were in Adam’s comments.
He then tried digging into Adam’s friend list but it was hidden. So he asked Jessica to stalk his likes, comments, and posts for a “Jake.” Sure enough, they found Jake. Saw that Jake drove an expensive car and came to the conclusion that I only date men with money.
Note: Mike doesn’t have money so his entire analysis was dumb.
Anyway…
I asked him why he just didn’t come to me and he confessed that for a while, he thought I was interested in Jake & Adam for money because that’s what “women do.” He then said that him and Jessica brought this situation up to his guy friends and they all agreed that this is how the situation went:
I was dating Jake, he introduced me to Adam, I found out Adam had more money than Jake, I left Jake to sleep with Adam - then started dating him.
I questioned why would I leave Adam if I was with him for Money…and he said he thought that was a lie and Adam had to be the one to leave me.
Ouch.
He then said that he contemplated breaking up with me over this for months but as he got to know me, he slowly realized I am not that kind of person.
I told him that he’s basically full of shit for dirtying my name with his friends - then I asked him why he didn’t clear up my name.
He said whenever he brought me up they all dismissed me as a gold digger, thot, a woman who slept with men for money - and here’s the kicker - probably still have some of that money saved. They came to the conclusion that I must be with Mike for some ulterior motive - but he was “too embarrassed” to defend me. He also said that he was embarrassed every time I mentioned a male friend or tagged any guy on social media because they all teased him afterwards.
I remember him asking me to not like any other man’s photos on social media and to not tag any guys but I just thought it’s because it made him uncomfortable. Not because his friends were silently stalking me.
After hearing all of this, I decided to end things with Mike. I told him that he’s not a nice person, and I can’t trust him anymore - especially because he knew I was saving for months to afford the PS5, and he allowed his friends to think that I got my money somewhere else.
After ending it, I said “oh by the way, have you ever slept with Jessica?”
He said no, but after she found Jake, she suggested that they hook up if he ever needs to “get back at me” in the future.
I asked what she meant by “getting back at me,” and he said she was certain I would cheat on him with a wealthier man if I found one.
He then said that he gave me the truth after all these years, so I should forgive him and give him another chance. But, I didn’t.
I just thanked him for the good times, the memories, and for dirtying my name - then I hung up and blocked him again.
Now, I think I’ll take another long break from the dating world.
Thanks again everyone!
Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.