PawjamaParty

The kitten luckily has tons of toys (half of them under the couch at the moment lol) and a whole other cat to play with, so with activity and social interaction, he is doing fine. He is also getting fed and his litterboxes get cleaned, just in case anybody is worried. Most of the damage comes from the kitten not understanding what he isn't allowed to scratch, he has a flat plank on the floor, a ball and about a 2 m long scratching post, but both kitties just love scratching the doormat, as well as some exposed floor insulation(?).

My ex said yesterday that he would not be hiring anyone. I discussed today with my social worker if I could get some help to clean, as somedays I struggle to stand up long enough to even make food for myself, she said she'd look into it, but both of us are not very optimistic that I'd get anything. I'm thinking of taking pics of the worst chaos, maybe mostly just showing how unfinished the house is, and has been for years, and sending it to his mom and friends, maybe his brothers too. I'm just nervous if they'd blame me for it and/or how he'd react.... He hasn't told anyone that we broke up years ago, he also hasn't told anyone that I finally got a job, and I lost contact with them years ago. I've only seen his mom recently a few times. But yeah, to everyone I'm basically his freeloading, weird foreign gf. None of them have been to the house in years, and when they did visit the few times years ago, we didn't show them around.

I'm trying to take things day by day, tried to get a routine going on. It's hard when some days I'm too tired or sick to play video games. I've been working on a project of mine that I hope to turn into a career, or at least a secondary income, but it is tough. I feel like I've let everyone down. Nobody says it, but I'm anxious that people don't believe me, especially since I don't really have any proof of that this is happening. I went through years of abuse where people accused me of faking or causing my own panic attacks. I had adults watch over me as I hyperventilated uncontrollably and just... stare at me. I'm so scared the same will happen again.

Thank you for your kind words

I don't know where to get help anymore. I've been running around, for years, trying to get help, and there just isn't anything that can be done. I was without income for years, because my ex, who apparently is not financially responsible for me, earned too much money and so made me ineligible for financial assistance. If I wouldn't have gotten the job, I'd currently be in debt over health care costs. And if my ex would have decided he didn't want to feed me anymore, I would have had to decide between starving or living on the streets. Shelters kick you out during the day, so idk what I'd do during the day when I can barely stand up as it is. Right now, staying here seems the safest option, even if it means having to put up with this. But I can't put up with this... there's just no help

I have, multiple times, but he refuses to listen. I asked him if it's safe upstairs for the cats, if there's exposed blades or if the cats could knock something down. In the end he said the kitten would have to get hurt before he'd do anything to make the house more cat proof. And this is after the kitten already got tangled a bit in a cord... I don't really have anyone to talk to. I go to therapy once a month and see a social worker once a week, but neither is really able to help in a more concrete way, like getting the fuck out of this house. Both are trying, but it's not like they can really do much. The housing in this country is a mess, and I don't think it's going to be solved. There are like 300 000 homes needed.

Oon muutamaan otteeseen kuullut juttua kyseenalaisesta johdosta ynnä muusta hämärästä, mutta koskaan kukaan ei oo suoraan sanonu mikä TST:ssä on vikana. Pahimillaan niitä kritisoijia vaan vitutti miten huomionhakuiselta koko homma vaikutti (mikä tosin on se pointti...).

I do fine nowdays in terms of going outside. I don't like it, and when I don't have to I won't, but I've also tried going out, like attending work events, last time a massive party. It wasn't the worst, but they didn't have the alcohol I drink and it just ended up being kinda boring. I didn't really meet anyone new, or do anything interesting. Public transport is no longer an issue for me, I'm anxious about it, but I've managed to get to where I want and back just fine, and every successful trip (even if the train is full and I don't get an ideal seat) is another small confidence boost.

For some anti-depressants work, for me it's a no. To add to what I mentioned earlier, I'm also an overdose risk, so I try to have the least amount of medication around me. I'd need to have someone who'd keep my meds locked away from me and supervise me taking them in order for me to feel safe, and well, don't have anyone like that. As of late, my depressive periods are not that common or long anymore either, but they are brutal. I go from feeling normal to thinking about killing myself (not actively planning or trying tho) in a matter of hours, and a few days or hours later I'm back to normal.

I'd say the feel to need useful is just the need for acceptance. I saw a post few days ago, a screenshot from tumblr, about how some people make themselves as low maintenance as possible, due to trauma. Underneath that, another tumblr user wrote: "You don't believe you can be liked so you settle for being useful." You, or anyone else reading this, deserve to be loved and cared for, even if you aren't "useful." We all bring provide something to this world with our unique experiences, thoughts, and ideas.

Luckily my job is fairly stress free (other than being pissed about my coworkers not cleaning after themselves and my need to work hard to try and gain acceptance) and I only work 3 days a week. Plus I get to eat a lot of chocolate. :P But on the other hand it isn't enough money to live off of, and my skills are wasted. I am now stressing over my job because I have a mystery illness and I'm unsure if I can keep working there anymore. I don't know what other job I could do. I was for years without income and if it wasn't for the kindness of others, I would have been in debt and homeless. I'm scared that will become reality again. I just fail to see why, or how, I'm supposed to keep going when there just doesn't seem to be a future. Even if I found a job, it would need to pay a lot in order for me to get my own apartment, even a small one. I feel like my only way of finding a place to live is to find a sugar daddy or a well earning man willing to marry me, but I don't want to be a gold digger. Or have a relationship based on the need for shelter.

I've just barely gotten over my agoraphobia to get a shit min wage job, so traveling will be out of the questions for a while. Even if I had the money, I can't see myself enjoying going somewhere by myself. I'd be scared of getting robbed and raped on top of being terrified of going outside and dealing with people. I just don't want to do things by myself anymore.

Eh, medication won't remove the depression, mostly it just levels off your mood. Sure, you won't feel so sad anymore, but you won't feel the high highs either. I don't think being lonely and missing having people to share your life with makes you dependent on other people, we're social animals after all and we all have a need for socialization, attention, intimacy, etc. Those are basic needs, just like hydration and sleep.

I don't mind being alone for the most part, I have a lot of things I want to do and those activities are (mostly) solitary. Still, there are certain things that I crave others for. I want to go out, to concerts, party, travel, have a good time, and I want to do that with others. I feel like I used to handle loneliness in a better way, but now I'm just feeling depressed and slightly suicidal over it. And I don't know how to fix it...

I constantly feel lonely, but too socially anxious to go out and try to socialize. Keeping existing friendships alive or forming new ones is also something I struggle with.

I'm mostly a lurker, pretty rarely commenting and posting even less, but I'm trying to be more active on lemmy. I just don't feel like I ever have anything interesting to contribute to any discussion.

Same. Dating apps are hell and I'm way too introverted to go out and meet people. Been trying to put myself out there, got a job (everyone is either too young, couple are too old, and they're already in a relationship anyway), I go to work events (last time a massive party where most people were from outside the company), but nah, still too scared to approach anyone and I guess I look unapproachable myself. Also the country I live in isn't exactly the type where people would just chat to randos. So yeah... more cats it is, I guess...

I was at a classmate's apartment and her very drunk stepdad came over. My classmate was getting ready to go out and I was just chilling on the couch and the stepdad sat next to me, trying to hold a conversation. He put his legs on my lap, trapping me in the corner of the couch. I don't remember what he was saying, but at one point he sits up, grabs my head with both hands and licks my face from my chin to my forehead. When I told about it to a trusted adult later that day, they just laughed with me about it. Years later I really wish they wouldn't have...