MisterMcBolt

The government fears this

N

Don’t do that! You made me piss myself…

I, for one, welcome our new gnome overlords!

Same! I’ve recently given up on trying to maintain eye contact and have found I communicate much better now.

RIP

TL;DR: I have no idea, but I too struggle with the conflicted feelings you mention.

I apologize if the following is a long ramble, but I’m currently dealing with very similar circumstances. I also prefer female protagonists out of a combination of attraction and envy. If I had a magic potion I could drink that would turn me into my ideal (unrealistic) female form then I’d take it without a second thought.

However, it’s unclear to me if I actually want to be a woman, or if I really just don’t want to be me. I’ve always been more traditionally feminine than masculine (naturally quiet, verbal rather than physical, tend to socialize better with girls/women, etc.), but that has also contributed social pressures that made me feel like I wasn’t a “real man.” Do I not feel like a man because I identify better as a woman? Or do I not feel like a man because so many people have mocked me throughout my life and made me feel like I can’t be a man?

I’m working with a therapist now on the many mental health issues I’ve had, and I highly recommend looking into therapy if you haven’t already. In my case, my therapist has voiced a tentative opinion that, what at first felt to me to be a desire to be a woman, has been me conflating my own identity with my unrestrained sexual desires and fetishes. Put simply, I was extremely isolated for so long with nothing to give me purpose or definition except for the the media I consumed. The idea of a young, beautiful, kind, powerful, sexually liberated woman was both the height of my sexual desire and the height of my personal aspirations. That (unrealistic) archetype was a fantasy that took on a life of its own in my mind and became a part of my personality over the course of approx. 20 years.

I hope that we, and the countless other people suffering, can come to better understand ourselves. I hope for a future where we can feel happy and proud of ourselves, regardless of what form or gender identity we are or will become.

B

🐦‍⬛🚬

E

It’s not quite “naughty” in the traditional sense, but something kind of romantic, new, and outside of my comfort zone: I think I’ve developed a crush on someone!

This is the first time I’ve felt like this towards another person in about 5 years. I’ve been going to weekly therapy for about 2 years now, and rotating a load of medications, but this is the first time I’ve “allowed” myself to start falling in love again.

Unfortunately, my subconscious was quite perturbed and overwhelmed by these feelings such that I’ve been terribly depressed for most of the week. My instincts have been trained to expect nothing but rejection and false promises when I develop a crush. Two steps forward, one step back.

🍪