Elorie

joined 1 year ago
[–] Elorie 61 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Find a place where you live to have a "sit spot" every day. Ideally outside, but if weather doesn't cooperate, where you can see outside. You don't have to do or think anything, just sit (or stand) and enjoy the view. It doesn't need to be epic, just something you like looking at. (In one of my places, it was the way a particular building interrupted the horizon that I found interesting.) No phone, no computer, no book - just breathe and observe.

It doesn't need to be for long. Start with two to five minutes. I usually do longer when I can.

Yes, it's a type of meditation. But a type that works better for this neurospicy gal than sitting in utter stillness or listening to music.

Currently, it's the picnic table near my bird feeders first thing after waking for my spot. In the morning and evening they are most active, so I sit with a cuppa and enjoy watching them negotiate who eats first while I wake up and caffeinate. It soothes my nervous system in a way notifications and doomscrolling can't, and makes me better able to handle my day.

[–] Elorie 15 points 1 month ago

Can we have a special level for those who blast conspiracy theory videos? That was my last trip, and even with my headphones, I could still hear them droning on about some ignorant hot take divorced from any semblance of reality.

Let's not shoot them. I prefer public censure.

[–] Elorie 2 points 1 month ago

Mine was right next to a front tooth (incisor). I hear you. You will still be able to bite normally.

Remember your new crown will be a bit tougher, so you will still be able to chew. Your dentist will help you test that prior so you won't be released without being able to use everything like you should.

I had stopped chewing on that side of my mouth because of the tooth damage, so it took practice to remember to use those teeth again.

[–] Elorie 2 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I had one, from a tooth that got damaged with braces as a teenager. It finally got to the point in my 40s that it hurt all the time and couldn't be saved. My dentist suggested the root canal. Like you, I was scared.

I didn't need to be scared. It barely hurt after - in 48 hours it was like it never happened. During the procedure (maybe 75 minutes total?) they had really good pain blocks. My advise is to let them know your fear. Good dentists/endodontists expect it and have ways to help you.

If you've been in pain from this for a while, you have already been feeling the worst of it. It'll be so much better afterwards. Really!

They will likely fit you with a temporary crown to protect the remaining tooth until a proper crown is ready. Most of the pain will be from your irritated gums after the procedure, which will ache. Root canals terminate the damaged tooth nerves, so you may need to relearn how to chew on that tooth a bit. But did I mention it won't hurt?

[–] Elorie 3 points 2 months ago

Glad to hear it!

We've encountered this in both Canada and the US. My boyfriend tells me he's also felt that double standard in Iceland. We'll see if that repeats as we see more of Europe eventually.

[–] Elorie 36 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Randomly holding other people's children.

They see me as safe. I'm middle-aged, put together and usually knitting. Many times I've been traveling and the opportunity to support a harried parent arises. Most don't even think twice before gladly accepting a hand.

If my boyfriend were to try even cooing at a child he'd be accused of abducting children or similar bullshit. I've seen people get weird if he smiles without me nearby That completely infuriates me.

[–] Elorie 22 points 2 months ago

Selling.

The HOA changed management companies about three months before I moved out. New one couldn't be bothered to provide the condo docs and required legal paperwork to me, the seller, my lawyer, or either realtor for the transaction, despite repeated requests. (My copies from my purchase were not enough for the bank.) Without it, the transaction could not close. We made it, barely, but their sluggishness almost destroyed the sale and the purchase of my next home, as the transactions were all dependent.

It took my realtor camping out in the HOA office to get copies. According to her, she showed up and was waiting for them and sat there for two hours while they photocopied, printed and generally fucked around pretending it was too hard to find.

They tried to claim I was behind in my dues too, but I'd anticipated that strategy, and emailed my realtor pictures of the cancelled dues checks AND the notarized statement from the outgoing management company saying I was paid in full at the time of handover.

I was glad to move out. Apparently they didn't get better as I saw a lot of units for sale in the next year.

[–] Elorie 2 points 4 months ago

Can confirm. My local group assumes you are queer and neurospicy until you state otherwise.

[–] Elorie 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I work in procurement. That means I negotiate with suppliers all day, every day. I'm the one the team calls when they need something fixed, and want something better than using a big hammer or lighting everything on fire.

The absolute best tip was courtesy of my first boss in the field:

"Always be prepared to walk away and say 'No, thank you'. "

You won't look weak (except to the wrong people). Instead you'll come across as empowered, that you know what you want, have no tolerance for games, but also can be trusted. Very few people like people who always say yes, no matter what anxiety says. In order to be here, it's important to have options and choices you can accept. Be ready to jump rails if it looks like you won't get your first choice. That's how good negotiators in my field do it - they have several acceptable options.

It's still not easy to do. It requires perseverance and flexibility. Allow yourself to practice in lower-risk situations.

[–] Elorie 5 points 5 months ago

Some cats get lonely and it's not about play, but knowing they have options. When I had a similar situation, my 3 year old cat pulled out her belly fur from stress, so I got her a new friend. Over grooming immediately stopped. It took several months for them to be friends, but my first cat was MUCH happier having another cat.

[–] Elorie 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Same. I thought life would be worse so I stayed married longer than I should have.

Turns out being unhappily married is far more lonely than being single....by a LOT.

[–] Elorie 41 points 7 months ago

The beep one of my monitors makes at power off (at the end of my workday) catalyzes my three cats into immediate action. They could be passed out or hidden, and ignore me when I walk by (I've tested this), but the moment they hear that "beep-chime" they materialize.

They know it means I'm available for cuddles and snacks. Confuses the hell out of them on the occasional weekend when I take a Zoom call for one of my volunteer gigs. I'll also use it to summon them when one vanishes for too long and I need to make sure they didn't get out.

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