DrCatface

thankyou very very much I was worried about oversharing but avoiding triggering people, there's no such thing. another shit sleep and nightmares, 3.5hrs but that's ok I want to continue copying down the big book word for word making sure it sticks, almost finished the entire first chapter. curse you 3am! it is absolutely torture and can ruin your entire day. I wrote like 3 words yesterday cause I just could not put down the guitar, hadn't picked it up all year. curse you depression, sucking the joy out of everything I enjoy

but it helps me too to go back through and read what this horrible journey involves, I'll write all this down too as sort of a detox diary.

so good to hear congrats and welcome back

thanks ! see u tomorrow!

1 week today!!! finally got a good sleep! pink cloud has officially begun. finally saw and patted a 7mo service dog in training without breaking into tears, helped an older lady struggling to get her walker down the curb and finally ate something substantial for the first time in 3 days, u can order as many times as you want from the kitchen so I ate 3 chicken parmys, I feel pregnant aye. kicking goals. ward AA tomorrow, not hyped cause the host is toxic but I'll go anyway just to see if he shares the exact same story word for word again I'll probably walk out. real AA on sunday, very keen. I got 8 hours leave each day this wknd and my parents are coming up 400kms with muffin but it's supposed to rain all wknd but I could lie down in the wet grass and even that couldn't dampen my spirits. hope you all have an excellent day.

LFG

heck yes congrats !!!

thankyou so much! I do have this, and this too shall pass I need that tattooed on my hand.

how dark it is before the dawn!

welcome back friend, no need to apologise

my chubby bubby

6 days, 18hrs. 2 possibly 3 more weeks of rehab. had my first proper meltdown this morning, mostly due to insomnia, medications having zero effect and zero appetite/brutal nightmares from cannabis wds. crying having a cig I saw a couple walking a labrador that looked exactly like my old bob, bawled harder finally decided to run after them "excuse me please im so sorry but im having a meltdown can I please pat your dog? yes of course her name is cassie, are you ok is there anything we can do? would you like us to walk you back to the nurses?" while im just giving this super friendly dog all the love for about 3mins. im tearing up just writing this, "thankyou no I'll be ok I just have to call my sponsor" so I spent half an hour on the phone to my sponsor then my mum, chain smoked and deep breathing til I finally calmed down enough to go back to the ward and ask them for help, I turn the corner into the hallway and there's a black lab. that absolutely broke me I just dropped to my knees and started bawling twice as hard I miss my muffin so bad. another patient grabbed my arm and took me to a quiet room and got a nurse cause I was in extreme distress, I feel such shame and guilt that I kept choosing my addiction over my pets. they're well looked after at my parents.

everyone's so nice and helpful guys fr im so grateful,

GOOD NEWS on saturday my parents are driving the 400kms to bring her for a visit. a whole bunch of patients just had pet show and tell, showing photos and videos and they can't wait to meet her.

it's going to hurt so bad when they'll have to leave but what im doing is so worth it so I can be there for my muffin and cuba.

addiction and the brain, then life matters and mindfulness. but i feel like a dead man walking I won't be engaging.