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How do I cope with my father hating me? (lemm.ee)

submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

57 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My father, who convinced me (16 m) at the time to move in with him instead of my mother when they moved. All 3 of the other siblings stayed with my mother. He then kicked me out the week I turned 18, a week into my senior year. Since then he stays in touch only to speak with his grandchildren (now going on 4 kids). I have never been anything but opportunistic and positive in our interactions. Regardless he still acts like I am a burden to talk too. Am now 37, and finally getting to the point I should accept it. I'm the complete opposite with my own children and can't comprehend how someone could treat their child like this. How do I cope? It eats at me. I will answer any questions in depth if it will help in understanding the situation.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

I relate to this. My father isn't as openly hostile as yours sounds, but he's a narcissist. One year, he decided he was to busy to visit my kids, his grandkids. He's retired.

For me, there is an emotional tug that will always be there, not for him, but for a father that loves me. Rationally, I remind myself of why I haven't talked to him in 5 years. It's gotten easier over time, but it still flares up occasionally.

[–] XbSuper 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Never understood people's need for acceptance from their parents. Them liking you has no more meaning than anyone else. So unless literally everyone hates you, I'd say you're doing just fine.

[–] 13esq 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Wanting acceptance and approval is an extremely natural thing for a human. People seek this especially from the people that they care about, whether that is family, friends, a crush or even just people in your local community.

We could argue the semantics of your statement and debate whether acceptance from a parent is a need or a want, but I think it's besides the point and not useful to the question OP is asking.

Honestly, I'm very surprised that this isn't obvious to you.

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