Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Early-Tree-8225 on 2023-06-27 20:31:35+00:00.

I (45f) have two daughters a NT 18 year old who will be going to college in the fall. And I have an autistic high needs nonverbal daughter (16f).

Due to severe behavioral issues we had to make the gut wrenching decision to place her in a group home when she was only 12. However we bring her home every other weekend, her birthday, and all holidays. She's done a lot better but still isn't perfect and dare u admit can be a handful.

It took me a while to catch on to this "trick" but I've been noticing since my eldest daughter's 18th birthday 9 months ago she has been "busy" (plans with friends, boyfriend, picking up shifts at work etc, citing that'shes 18 and can come and go as she pleases "doesnt have to listen" to us etc) always seem to happen the weekends her sister is home, and on weekends (now weekdays as well since it's summer break) when her sister is not home she is mysteriously around more.

I told her how important family is for people with developmental disabilities; and since her father and I are paying for her college in full we expect her to be apart of her sisters life if she wants us to continue paying for her college. So since it's every other weekend she has to spend atleast one of those weekends at home with the family and spend time with her sister, I noticed her avoiding her sister and that's not okay with us. And if she refuses we will not pay for her college.

AITA?