Lemmy Dadsplain

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Complaining (lemmy.one)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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How do you all deal with complaining? Usually, I try to fix the problem, if there really is one, or deflect with humor. However, sometimes the complaining comes from all directions—my kid, my wife, my parents, my bosses, customers—and it wears me down. I find that pushing back can sometimes be counterproductive with some complainers.

One time my wife had some complaint about how I mow the lawn. I asked her if she ever mowed a lawn and she was quiet after that. Unfortunately, these little victories don't happen very often. What sorts of tricks or tactics should I have ready to get people to pound sand without telling them to pound sand?

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I'm a person who likes to fix. Sometimes that's not what my wife wants, though, she just wants to vent and be heard. I've learned to ask if she wants to be heard or if she wants me to offer solutions and that has really helped. I've started to apply this to other people in my life as well.

[–] breakerfall 4 points 2 years ago

Same wife experience here. Why anyone would tell me a problem without expecting at least an offer to fix it is still beyond me, though.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Worth a shot.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

This one has been revolutionary for me, not everything needs to be solved. Honestly, on my end making it clear when I'm 'venting at you' vs when I 'want advice' has been great.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

Acknowledge their concern first then tell them either "I'll do it youre way", "Let's compromise" or pound sand in the nicest way you can. I get more success with above but I deal with clients. Most of it is them wanting to be heard.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I give them the good old 'mmmhmmm, I hear ya', and move on. It shows I heard what they said, but don't care enough to respond. It's also a subtile acknowledge that I'm okay with letting them vent it out. This works in the office, anyway. YMMV at home.

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