This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HarperSeven6011 on 2023-06-26 14:40:32+00:00.
Hi Reddit, I need some clarity.
My parents separated 5 years ago, both are now living with their partners. Issue here is my mom's partner, let's call him John (M62).
I (F29) work freelance so i'm always at home while my partner (M27) works office hours at a lab. We are particularly under pressure these days as we are looking for a new house together in Paris (France), which is frustrating and time-consuming.
Today, John was taking my grandma to run errands nearby my house, and decided to come over. I was busy between arranging meetings and house viewings and tidying up my house when they rung the intercom of my building. I was so puzzled it was them that i didn't say anything and let them in. John tried joking around "we saw the windows open so we figured you were home even tho you were not answering your phone". I told him i was busy, i had agency to call and made it clear they were disturbing me. John said they weren't staying that long anyways (which is true, they left after 30 min or so).
I was fuming. I decided to text him the following message after they left: "hey John, it's nice of you to stop by, please refrain from doing so without my confirmation through a prior phone call. I am very busy and even tho you weren't staying long you disturbed my pace and schedule. Take care bye". He hasn't responded.
I spoke to my mom later on that day and she said my message was too harsh and i should have called him to tell him directly in a "playful way". AITA for sending this text?
EDIT: a few commenters are righfully asking for more info so i'll try my best to provide.
- I saw John and my mom on Saturday night (we played board games at their hour, they live 8min drive from our place). I was at their house again yesterday (Sunday) for lunch, and my grandmother was there too (I picked her up with my car and drove her back afterwards, and i ended up staying with her for dinner). So today was the second day in a row I was seeing my grandma, and the third in a row for John. So it's not like I hadn't seen them in a while or anything.
- For context: my grandfather passed away almost two months ago, hence why we are helping my grandma out. She lives 10 min drive from me but she can't drive.
- Also for context: John was one of my dad's former best friends, my mom had an affair with him, leading to my parents divorce. I have known John since I was a child because my parents were friends with him and his late wife.
- It was the first time he dropped by unannounced at my place, but he also did it with my sister who just had her first baby (first grandson in the family), I'm not sure if she told him off. He has a tendency of "forcing" the relationships like he calls himself the 'grandpa' of my nephew, which irks me a bit but my personal opinion is not relevant in that matter.
- Someone asked if my grandma could have been the instigator of the visit, and if I would have been rude to her like this as well. She might have been (i tried to reach her afterwards but she wasn't responding) but since we were together yesterday from 12 to 9pm (including 4 hours just the two of us) I doubt it + John said he was the one who suggested coming over to get coffee at my place. Would I be rude to her in the same way? Probably not, because she always calls before coming over so it probably wouldn't be necessary.
Thank you everyone for the comments so far, I'll try to respond to each of you.