Am I the Asshole?

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AITA for doing a chore when my wife asked and then not telling her about it for about 7 hours? (lemmit.online)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PMMePuppyDicks on 2023-06-25 20:54:59+00:00.

So! I feel like one of us lacks perspective on this, so I am hoping y’all can help.

My parents are coming to visit us from another state for the 4th of July. I know this always causes my wife stress, just because she wants the house to be spotless when we have people over. Towards this end, we already have a cleaning service scheduled to come in a few days to help get things clean enough so she isn’t stressed out.

You should also know we have a new puppy and this thing is in the stage of putting everything in her mouth.

Now, normally we’re kind of a bit cluttered. We have people over all of the time and our most common solution to the clutter recently is throwing anything that is a little unsightly into one of our front rooms. We normally just keep the door shut and well, out of sight out of mind, right?

Anyway, one of the items in there has been an artificial Christmas tree. For a couple months we’ve talked about it a few times as something we need to take care of. It was always “we” need to take care of it. I know y’all don’t know my house, but it’s pretty difficult for a single person to get an object the size of an artificial tree into our attack.

Anyway, yesterday my wife and I go out to eat. Before we order my wife goes “can you just take care of that tree?” And I was like “sure, I will just need help getting it into the attic.” Anyway, after some of the slowest service on record it’s actually pretty late when we’re headed home so I end up telling her I am just going to have to handle the tree in the morning.

Well, morning comes around. My wife reminds me that I said I would do the tree and then tells me she is going to be outside handling some things.

So, I get up. Handle tree solo and clean up some dog mess, because of course.

Anyway, then my wife comes in in a bad mood and I am trying cheer her up, but I decide not to mention the tree… because, well, idk. It seemed like it would make her happier to find out later.

Anyway, she just asked me about it and I told her it was the first thing I did today, but she is mad. She says she would have been doing other things in there if I had said something. Maybe I was the asshole?

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Nah bro, neither of you are the asshole. You're wife is stressed to the max. Give a hug that's so long she starts to cry. Then do something nice for her as soon as possible. Spa day/flowers/etc.

She needs support right now, she shouldn't be taking it out on you, but that's how life works. We hurt the ones closest to us because we're dumb.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Neither is the asshole.

She didn't tell you that she was waiting for the tree to be handled to do the next thing, you can't have really know what her plans were if she wasnt sharing.

Additionally you did the thing you were asked to do, one would expect that that it gets done and doesn't need constant check ins and updates, you said you would do it in the morning and you did.

This is why communication is key, I recommend because your wife is getting stressed out trying to make a good impression on your parents that you probably don't take it personally that she was upset.

You are not in the wrong, but it can't hurt to explain/apologize for the misunderstanding/miscommunication on behalf of you both. It helps to start with an acknowledgement of her motive / emotions / feelings.

"Hey honey, thank you for working so hard with me to get the house in order. I'm sorry I didn't realize you had plans that depended on me dealing with the tree. Next time if you could give me a heads up that you're blocked by me I can help you better by being more proactive with my priorities and communication."

Good luck dude.