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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Less-Question-2434 on 2023-06-25 00:42:24+00:00.
I (F25) lived with my BF (M26) and our friend (F25) who we will call Amy. I told Amy I would rent with her this year at the start of the previous year and started dating my BF six months later. I wanted to live with my BF but had told Amy I would live with her and I don’t break promises, so we all moved into a two bed flat with Amy paying a little more because she had a room to herself. We decided to split the chores when living together so Amy did the cleaning around the flat while me and my BF cooked dinner for all three of us every night. Amy paid a third of our food bill to keep it fair. Things went well at first but Amy has anxiety and it got frustrating when she skirted around like we were going to hit her. It felt like a vicious circle because she would act like we were mad at her and then we got mad at her for being irritating.
A few things she did that annoyed us were: she wouldn’t share snacks even though we shared dinner with her, she went out with her friends and didn’t invite us, she tidied away our stuff, she would always leave if my BF and I were being flirty.
I know communication is important so we would sit her down to talk about stuff like this but it didn’t work. It all came to a head when she told us at work that her cousin (who is on antipsychotics for depression) was coming to visit for a week the next week. We acted professional but text her later to say we wanted to have a talk with her about her behaviour. When we got home and sat her down, she said she was going to start cooking dinner for herself and her cousin but would keep cleaning the flat anyway, she said her cousin and her wouldn’t come out of her room much, etc. etc. Once she stopped, I told her that what she’d done at work was completely unacceptable and we wouldn’t be tolerating that in the future I then told her we wouldn’t be allowing her cousin to visit because of her mental health problems - we didn’t feel comfortable with someone like that visiting our home. She was so angry that we’d brought her cousin’s mental health into things and accused us of using that as an excuse because we “hated her”. She started flinging accusations at us, saying things like we never give her a fair share of the food, saying we treat her like a maid and that we’re inappropriate in the communal spaces.
Eventually she asked why we hated her and I told her all the problems we had. Like, this is a girl that we absolutely welcomed into our lives and she couldn’t even be big enough to apologise for acting like a greedy child. Anyway, my BF and I were going away on holiday for 5 days the next day but when we got back to the flat, it was spotless with all of her stuff gone and her rent payments were cancelled. A few of our mutual work friends helped her move out the day after we left and now I feel like we are being judged by everyone at work over not letting her cousin stay.