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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Impressive_Rock_8967 on 2023-06-22 20:22:51+00:00.
We're all 35, and my (f) friend Jill and her husband Marv have 2 kids (6 and 11).
Jill works from home and Marv works at a retail job down the road. Recently, Jill and I have been trying to hangout more, but it's usually at their place while the kids are there. I love her kids, but it means that when I am there they are always hanging onto us and trying to get our attention and we can't really have the full conversation we would like to. When I am there and Marv is there as well, he usually is posted on the couch with his phone doing whatever while Jill and I talk and hangout with the kids. Finally, we decided to plan one day a month where her and I can escape for a few hours so she can have truly adult time. Keep in mind that after his retail shifts, Marv will at least twice a week go hangout with his coworkers at their place or out at a bar.
Well, the first day of our scheduled escape comes up and he is throwing a FIT about it. He knew it was happening, and that it meant he would have to be watching the kids for 3 hours, but still he is in meltdown over it. How it's not fair that she can just "abandon" the kids with him, and what if an emergency happens, that she just wants to leave the house so she can get hit on, and so on. He is saying that if we want to go anywhere, we have to take the kids. He even said "take them to Chucky Cheese, they'll be preoccupied and you can have your adult talk". Going to somewhere like that is a literal nightmare for me as I do not have nor want kids, but it's also not doing Jill any 'favors" as the kids will need to be supervised anyway, and they'll be touring us around showing us everything they are doing. Very cute and I love it, but that's not the goal of the day.
Anyway, I show up and we quickly get her into my car and we go the the bar that is within view of their backyard. It was close enough for her to be able to get home in 45 seconds if there was an emergency, but we got to have our much needed adult time. Now he's wigging out, saying I'm an asshole and that I am banned from being over there because I am trying to split up their marriage. Little does he know her and I talked a lot about ways that they can grow in their relationship and get some happiness.
Anyway, was I an asshole for picking her up? With there being the insecurity issue in him, I do feel bad that he was experiencing that and I am left wondering if it was the wrong thing to do.
For some info: They have been married for 13 years, there has never been an instance of infidelity on either side, and if Jill were to flirt with someone while we were out I would absolutely be pissed off at her and give her an earful.
EDIT: Thank you all for your input - I feel better knowing that I didn't further the issue in their relationship and will be showing her these comments so far so that she can see just how off putting his behavior is. It tends to be hard when you've been married for so long to step back and see the behavior for what it is when it's clouded by a lot of 'context'.