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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tasty-Palpitation-16 on 2023-06-22 02:46:10+00:00.
(throwaway account for anonymity) so this has been a big conflict with my family for the past couple weeks and i’m not sure if i’m a major a-hole or if i’m being reasonable. I (21F) recently graduated college and have been saving up to buy myself a car. i was lucky enough to attend a pretty decent university and graduated with honors, and payed my way throughout by working basically full time. my parents (43F and 46M) have helped me so much throughout my college career and my entire life obviously. however, this argument has put a bit of a strain on our relationship.
for context, my dad is a pretty passive person and goes with pretty much whatever my mom says so he doesn’t really have a strong opinion on this. anyways, after graduating i went full time at my current job and received a pretty decent bonus as well as a pay raise. over the past month, i’ve saved up a few grand as a down payment for a car (eating out less and having a yard sale of some of my stuff). my parents didn’t really have enough money to buy me a car when i first got my license since they were saving up so much to send me to college. here’s where the argument starts. i excitedly told my mom about my savings and mentioned wanting to get a car so i could easily commute to work, which i have been mostly carpooling to with coworkers or ubering if i can’t find a ride. (also, my school had a bus system that came to my apartment off campus so that was never an issue when i was in school).
anyway, my mom immediately got upset and began telling me how it would be nice of me to give my savings to her and my dad for “getting me to where i am in life” and putting me through college. tbh i was dumbfounded. she said how they wanted to take a nice vacation and put some money towards my younger sisters (17F) college fund. i told her that i really needed this money to get myself a car and save money every month from ubering less and having to pay for rides everywhere. but she argued that having a car payment would be the same amount and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. but i personally feel like this would take a huge amount of stress off me and be a big step in being an independent adult. she asked my dad what he thought and he just sided with her immediately. i got angry and started yelling at them about how i’ve worked my ass off to save for a car and that i’d like to do something for myself (i also called my dad an asshole for siding with my mom like always). my mom basically told me i was ungrateful and selfish, on top of screwing over my sister, then hung up on me.
she’s told some of my extended family about the argument, and some are on my side, like a few cousins and my grandma. but other than that everyone thinks that i should just let my parents take a vacation. i’m stuck. on one hand, my parents have done a lot for me and they deserve a nice vacation and stuff, and i definitely don’t want to potentially take away from my sisters college fund (even though i don’t understand how a couple thousand dollars would make a huge dent in a college fund these days). but on the other hand, this is MY money that i’ve saved up and worked really hard for. i want to make everyone happy but i also think it would be nice to do something for myself once in a while. so, AITA for not wanting to give my car savings to my parents?