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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inside-Journalist166 on 2023-06-21 13:23:44+00:00.
Baby girl is due in a few weeks (or maybe days like damn she’s dropping). And we already know we have a trip coming up Memorial Day next year that will require us to leave our baby home with someone.
I️ immediately jumped to my parents would watch the baby ( I️ did make this assumption without consulting him) and he made the assumption his parents could watch her since we’d be flying out of the airport close to his parents.
I️ told him logistically it didn’t make sense because his parents wouldn’t watch our three dogs in addition to the baby so my parents would still have to drive five hours to our house to watch our dogs (which my dad would do in a heartbeat, many times I’ve had to watch him pack the car before going home because he’s tried to sneak my oldest hound out with him. They adore our dogs). If my parents are going to make the drive and care for the dogs, it would be best to leave the baby in her home that she’s familiar with and not tow her three hours away to his parents.
However I️ did voice to him that outside the logistics I️ was also just not comfortable with his parents watching the baby. I️ don’t know them well though they haven’t given me any like child abuse red flag vibes, if anything his mom is too coddling. I️ told my husband that I️ recognize I️ have a bias to my parents because they raised me so I️ know how they parent, react, I️ know them as people. I️ don’t have that relationship with his parents so like anyone else that I️ would want to watch their interactions with my child for a while before feeling comfortable that I️ know how they would react in certain situations and learn more about how they make decisions. Not to mention, it’s questionable already how they will respect boundaries. But with time and enough interaction, I’ll get to be comfortable with them watching the baby alone.
My husband is upset at this saying on the flip side he could say the same about my parents — which is totally true and fair. The only counter argument I️ have is that they’ve shown much more interest and willingness to compromise when it comes to our dogs than his parents. Both of our parents have dogs so it’s not about one liking dogs and the other not.
So the question lies, AITA setting the expectation that my in laws have to essentially earn my trust before watching our child?
EDIT: okay I️ realized I️ forgot to specify why the trust isn’t there:
- They have two small dogs that bite and aren’t potty trained so they poop/pets where ever they want
- It’s pretty rural so medical help is a minimum 25 minute drive
- His dad isn’t Covid vaccinated
But otherwise they are very nice and kind!
EDIT 2: I️ accept the asshole verdict. I️ definitely should have put more details into the current status of the relationship with my in laws.
I️ will reopen this conversation with my husband and show him this post to discuss the comments.