I am not the original poster. Original post by u/RoadIsland123 in r/AmItheAsshole.
Wed, May 11, 2022
I F30 don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.
So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country - tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum. said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say "FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her".
Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn't respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there "anyway" and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.
I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it's ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.
Did I really overreact?
Judgement: Not the A-hole
UPDATE AITA for walking out of the Airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?
Mon, May 16, 2022
Hello!.
I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.
So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday.
Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is till this day.
In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaneously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage.
Regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just... made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.
All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done.
Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but... at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's separation and divorce.
A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.
I am not OOP