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Finding a fixation and rabbit holing until the wee hours of the morning only to have to work a stable job on a couple hours of sleep. The lack of sleep makes regulating harder, so I stay up late again, feel the depression set in again, and work half awake again, and slowly start losing my shit again. Until I get some good consistent sleep, then start feeling better, regulating better, doing better at work..... Then I find a fixation...
I am doing that right now haha. Stayed up all night hyperfixating, caught up with 5 espressos and am standing on the train home so I don't pass out and miss my stop.
Definitely been there, my friend. I hope you can get some sleep.
It comes eventually lol