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Should I even bother? (tw- depression) (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Marxist analysis has made me realize my worth as a human, and I truly want to work for the revolution, and be a part. I want to liberate myself and everyone else, from oppression of the working class. But why bother. Just because it has helped me understand my value, doesn't make me any less depressed. I'm just so alienated. I'm moving to UK this Sept. for masters. Permanently away from my country. I don't want to settle in UK because of the queerphobia that's rampant there rn, but isn't it cowardly of me? To go for a place that is both safe for me and also a place where change is viable. I've seen comrades say its best to join an organization and make efforts in your home country itself but I'm moving out because I can't get the education and job I want from the country I'm in rn, and I can't see myself and the people I love being safe in UK too.

It is all so nihilistic. I fall prey to cynicism. I'm alienated. I see no hope. What if there is no point. What if bigotry will eventually rise up and take over, no matter what I do. I want to see myself belonging. And doing something for the sake of change and peace. My attention span is low too. I fail opening a resource I genuinely want to read and study. I just watch youtube. I just watch something else. I keep trying and trying, but I can't seem to find common ground between two entirely different worlds I see in the future.

I still survive. I still live. Being queer. Being mentally ill. Being inherently against the oppressive system. I continue to fight. I'll continue being kind. Making the environment around me peaceful for those I love, and for anyone wanting love. I can't give up.

I don't know what's the point of posting this. I hope everyone is doing well. Take care of yourself. Be kind. Keep fighting the war, both inside and out.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

out of curiousity, why did you pick uk over all the other countries? not only is uk weirdly queerphobic but is also becoming expensive to live in.

but isn’t it cowardly of me? To go for a place that is both safe for me and also a place where change is viable

idk, i feel like sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. i'm leaving my country for another place too, because i don't see much hope in the commie/left-wing parties of my country (the politics of my country sometimes feels like i'm looking at usanian politics).

i don't think it's great to be forced to live in your the country you were born in if you don't "fit with it". for example, trans+atheists like me are gonna be forever harrassed by her "loved ones", potentially beaten up/harrassed by random people passing by with barely anyone caring because conservatism and bystander effect is so fucking rife. you only have one life after all.

yes i know that this will continue to happen until something changes but 1. not to discourage, but i don't think everyone has the strength to be a revolutionary activist. it takes a lot of guts and determination to be one; especially in a country (wink wink) where if you try to foster change, death threats or assassins are sent at your doorstep

or 2. most of the time infastructural and economic development is needed for social progressive thoughts to be accepted... idk why this is the case but until that happens, you'll have to face a lot of harrassment from your "fellow countrymen" if you decide to be "loud and proud" about your real identity. by the time you'll no longer have to hide from the world to not get beaten up by "all the righteous and good people" out there, you'll become too old and bedridden to enjoy your real identity in your home country.

My attention span is low too. I fail opening a resource I genuinely want to read and study. I just watch youtube. I just watch something else. I keep trying and trying, but I can’t seem to find common ground between two entirely different worlds I see in the future.

same. i just try and force myself ("discipline myself") to get shit done at this point.

in any case, i hope everything goes well for you in the end 🫂

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

really appreciate the words. good luck to you too, let's survive and fight in our own ways <33

just wanted to get out of here tbh, the field I want is not really viable to be studied here, and there is no way in hell I'm going to the States, plus the options were really nice in UK, albeit expensive as fuck. but isoki, I'll manage and pay back my loans and what not+ part time.

I'm rooting for u thoo!! take care of urself and also my dms always open if you ever need someone ❤️❤️

I more than empathize with trans+NB ppl and as a cis queer this affects every single person who wishes to not conform to patriarchal standards. I'll ofc advocate in my own ways there, maybe I'll get to be part of my first pride?? more than excited tbh. but yes, when speaking of the larger intersectional Marxism, it is necessary for gender itself to be abolished.

let's break the binary in our own ways!!! Stay safe 🥰🥰

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I totally feel you.

There are certain times when I'm alone and the weight of everything I know is just so much to bear, especially regarding the future.

Climate change is going to continue making these extreme weather situations more common, more infrastructure is going to be destroyed because in the US they can't even bother to make things work, nevermind the fact that's all by design and the bourgeoisie are planning for a societal collapse...

I don't even know what I can do about it. I'm not in a position where I can join a party or organize people because I don't work due to my mental illnesses.

I will say though, it's not cowardly to run away. You have to do what you can to survive, and if you honestly believe that leaving is the only option then do so.

And one last thing, us surviving under capitalism like this and defying the system that wants to see us broken and give up, is an act of revolution.

Take care yourself, comrade.