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GhostCowboy76

Failure to retain (self.exmormon)

submitted 2 years ago by TempleSquare to c/exmormon

7 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Had a fascinating chat with my high-school senior cousin (who is 20 years younger than me) about her plans after graduation next year. Obviously BYU is not on the table.

For her, it's sooooo different than it was for me.

Mr Millennial here first got upset over doctrinal issues. Went through a whole "the church lied to me" phase. And eventually came around to injustices in LDS doctrine and culture.

But that's not how it works for her and her peers. She feels the church is a tiny club with rules so non-inclusive that almost nobody qualifies. So why would anyone want to join it at all?

Furthermore, her short life has seen a church so focused on anti-LGBT that there was little else positive to glean from Sunday. She actually views the church as an immoral organization.

We (older crowd) fell away from the church. They had us. They lost us.

But for her... the church never even got close to winning her over to begin with.

Anyway, it was a fascinating observation

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[–] Kroxx 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I haven't been to church in 10+ years, are they giving people talks on LGBT subjects or is this during the 2nd and 3rd hour?

[–] crispycrunchy2 2 points 2 years ago

I think it varies wisely. I don't hear much about it but I'm also not paying much attention lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

My kids are a similar age. I believe they feel the same way, but you described it better. One of them told me, “I believe it, but I don’t like it,” specifically because of the stance on LGBTQ+ people.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

I feel this. I'm a few years older than OP's sister. Back when I did believe, I constantly battled the cognitive dissonance between a God of love and a church against LGBTQ+ people. I desperately held onto the hope that the policies would eventually change.

[–] ChosenUndead15 2 points 2 years ago

sounds closer to my experience, even if there is potentially some regional difference as I am not from the states. I think I was barely high school when I realized I wasn't christian or even religious, something like 8 years ago. I have to go every Sunday when my mom stopped being inactive in the church. The thing that convinced me was ironically something that was told inside the church. Don't be a Mormon because your parents are and so you have to, but because you believe and I simply didn't. The more empirical inclination I had in how the world works simply contradicted all their teachings and realized I was agnostic once I got explanation of what that was.

Over the years my agnostic belief just got reinforced. Some people need a religion to have hope, to find what is right and wrong or a sense of belonging and just over the years developed those outside of them. Eventually I realized that if I found God is real, it would change nothing for me and if good people shouldn't get heaven just because they don't believe in God, is not a worth believing for. So if there is some god real over there and is actually kind, they won't mind what I believe, only my actions.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

My exmo partner has five siblings, all above 18. Only one is still in the church; I wonder how the parents feel when only one out of six children hold the faith.

[–] Kroxx 2 points 2 years ago

Almost the exact retention as my father's siblings, only 2 of the 6 were retained.