One thing I wish I’d know more about before mine went through it is how much rewriting goes on in pre-teen and adolescent brains. Have a read about it if it’s not too late. It doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with in the moment, but it’s easier not to blame them for it too much.
this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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Unfortunately, I don't have any advice on the boundary pushing. My son is developmentally delayed so is still behaving like an infant. I can't even imagine dealing with typical preteen and teen behavior. I'll send you some good vibes though!
I also wanted to have my own unrelated venting session as well.
My son is medically fragile and got an infection after a major surgery back in November. He's been home since Christmas but he had to come home with a central line (IV). It has been exhausting for my wife and me. He needs special baths every day and we have to be super careful that his dressing doesn't get wet or start peeling up.
And then today the port stopped supplying blood so we might have to take him to a hospital to get a new line put in.
It's literally something every day with this IV and the antibiotics he's getting. Sometimes I wish they didn't discharge us, but I swear he's safer at home. We had several nurses and doctors have gross errors while he was recovering.
Sorry to dump this in your thread man, but it all came bubbling up when I read it
Not at all. I think it's real good to have a place we can come to talk about parenting, both the hard bits and the easy bits. As Dads we're sort of...left to our own devices when it comes to dealing with our roles as parents, and if this little community can give us an outlet then I only think that's a good thing.
As for your son, I really have no words, just that I hope you guys find a way to get through and that there are brighter days ahead.
Thanks man!
That boundary thing is gonna happen again and again, at least it has with my daughter. Can be very rough. Seems to come in batches as well, so yeah.... I can only advise you to try and figure out the best ways to keep cool when it happens. Always keep in mind that it's natural to try and push boundaries, and try not to punish it while still staying firm.
Things will get easier, and it might help to write down mini diaries that you can later look back on to put things in perspective. Because it sure won't always feel like it did.
I've been (more or less successfully) trying to keep a log of happenings every few hours on the phone. Important: try to record small achievements. Focus on the positives. it helps me put things in perspective a) close to when it happens and b) whenever I read back on it. Also reminds me that despite everything, I still manage to keep bread on the table and raise a great kid.
Example entries:
- Tantrum happened, reason: X, calmed down quickly and stayed firm. Remembered to praise for calming down well.
- Took out trash
- Successful client call
- Cleaned kitchen