ADHD Women

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Debating disclosing my diagnosis with work (self.adhdwomen)

submitted 1 year ago by the_ghost_of_dignity to c/adhdwomen

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I've been going back amd forth on if I should share my diagnosis with my manager and hr. (hr really just to cover my ass not for accommodations)

My last performance reviews was that I was doing great overall but the areas that needed improvement were all traits that are difficult for me with adhd. I also feel frustrated on days where it's hard for me to communicate clearly. I'll try speaking more slowly to not ramble or I end up leaving out too much detail and backtracking to repeat my thought when I see the person is confused.

At the same time, I also feel like it's too big of a risk to disclose. That it'll either be looked at as an excuse (rather than an explanation) or just bais my manager that I'm not reliable for high priority projects even though I've been handling them.

Does anyone have experiences to share about if you disclosed at work and the outcome?

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[–] Lorela 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think your hesitance is key here: seems in your gut you feel the risk is likely.

If you do not feel inherently safe disclosing to your manager and/or HR, then I personally wouldn't disclose. That's not to say you absolutely shouldn't, because we don't know the context, the history, the location or size of your organisation.

Before I knew I was AuDHD, I saw neurodivergence weaponised a bunch in one of my previous jobs. A couple of autistic men often got away with wildly inappropriate behaviour and preferential treatment because management made sure to coddle them because they were 'different'. Briefly, an 'out' autistic woman started in the same area and she was labelled as needy, impossible to work with, constantly denigrated, and quickly dismissed. I saw a lot of myself in her and wonder if the only difference in how we were treated, was that she disclosed.

I have disclosed AuDHD to my current manager only because she makes me feel extremely safe and she's keen to learn about ND so we can work together more effectively. I would not do this if I sat under any of the other managers in our area, because I do not think they are equipped to understand, nor do I think they'd attempt to.

I appreciate how complex this is and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately... Whether it's for some societal greater good that I be "out" about my ND to give visibility of different neurotypes. But I'm also hella tired and don't want to be the Neurodiversity Champion at this point in my journey.

Whatever decision you come to I really wish you all the best.

[–] the_ghost_of_dignity 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, I hear you about not wanting it to be at the forefront of your identity. I like my team and manager so I might tell just management.

[–] laurathepluralized 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Having worked for people who (even if they didn't do so intentionally) treated me differently after I told them I had ADHD, with my current job, I'm seeing how things go not disclosing my ADHD to my manager or coworkers explicitly, but mentioning what is a weakness or strength for me. This is in a work culture where the managers are managing a bunch of researchers (aka nerdy specialists 🙃), and so it is accepted that not everyone will be good at everything, and that's ok--we can choose what of our strengths we want to build on more, choose what of our weaknesses we want to work towards growing in, and choose what weaknesses we are willing to let stay a weakness (and ask someone else to do--fortunately it's a large workplace). So I've approached this by telling my manager or coworkers that I am, say, not great at estimating how long a given task will take, or telling them that I am great at organizing projects that I find especially compelling (and not as great at organizing things that I don't find as interesting), or that sometimes I'll bounce back and forth between tasks but I can still get things done. So far, that has been received pretty well. It's not that I want to assume that my coworkers and manager will treat me differently if I tell them I have ADHD--I don't know whether they have pre-conceived notions about ADHD, and if I tell them explicitly, it's a bell I can't un-ring. But it's absolutely a personal choice about who to tell, under what circumstances, and how to present the info. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do! ❤️

[–] Lorela 5 points 1 year ago

I think framing it that way is great advice!

My colleague does not want to disclose her ADHD to the rest of our team so we did a "Guide to Me" sorta thing - it's just a one page document that outlines how she best works and communicates, so it says things like "I prefer calls over Teams Messages" or "I like clear deadlines on my tasks/actions" or "morning meetings are my preference but I can accommodate later meetings for business needs".

I've encouraged the rest of our team to do it too because I think it's a great exercise regardless of neurotype.

I think context is also key: you work in a researching environment. My bad experience was in an operational one (processing/admin). I think the nature of the work will likely influence the level of bias/assumptions that disclosing may result in. It's nothing easy to navigate regardless.

[–] blueskiesoc 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hmmm...would it make it more difficult to fire you legally? Does anyone know if ADHD falls under ADA, which would mean you're in a protected class? Do you, OP, want to deal with the hassle?

Don't go by me. I don't know. I think it does. It's a super tough call.

[–] the_ghost_of_dignity 2 points 1 year ago

It IS covered under ADA. No, I never want to deal with the hassle, haha. That hasn't always been in my best interest though so I wanted to hear what people's outcomes have been who disclosed it.