this stumped for for a couple hours when I first set it up.
Lemmy Administration
Anything about running your own Lemmy instance. Including how to install it, maintain and customise it.
Be sure to check out the docs: https://join-lemmy.org/docs/en/administration/administration.html
If you have any problems, describe them here and we will try to help you fixing them.
I don't think you understand the point of federation or why you had to hack this. You cannot have federation - which is in fact putting yourself out there, making yourself publically known and open to send and receive messages - and also private, closed off, hosting your own instance.
I think all you wanted really was to close registrations and be on your own server, but that's not private, that's still a public server in terms of the 'verse. You'll still be discoverable, just no one can sign up.
Private instances are for like companies who want to host their own internal lemmy instance for them to have a community. Maybe a marginalized group wants to have a completely private instance completely shut off from the rest of the fediverse that they don't want to have shared with anyone.