this post was submitted on 01 May 2024
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A couple of years ago, I realized that I am almost certainly firmly on the autism spectrum. At my age, a clinical diagnosis really wouldn't make a difference in my life.
This post makes me think it might not even make a difference to me. I have fewer concerns about what to call myself, and more interest in being okay with the person I am. I am me, and no label (or set of labels) can represent me as accurately as just "me."
I've landed here as well. Whatever ADHD, bipolar, or autism I have is very mild. It still sucks cuz I definitely have trouble relating to people in various ways and often feel alienated more and overstimulated sooner than other people are.
But it's worked out. I have a family and a successful career. Just wish I wasn't depressed all the time, but ya know how it is can't win em all.
I found that sertraline (Zoloft) has been quite helpful for me, ymmv. But it's gotten me to where the depression my brain used to rationalize as "your deserved guilt and shame are the cause" is now more like "yeah, that just happens sometimes, no reason."
When I've talked to my kids about meds, the explanation that makes the most sense to me is that depression has you down in a hole that you can't climb out of. The right meds can be a ladder down in that hole. Now you have a way out, but you still have to do the climbing.
I'm definitely not saying "You shouldn't feel depressed." Not that you should, of course, but you feel what you feel. Whether there's a "reason" or not, it ultimately comes down to neurochemistry, and your inherited and/or learned-in-childhood neurochemistry isn't your fault.
Very well put, your kids are lucky to have a person like you.