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What person can help me sort out the big picture of my life? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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21M, my life right now is such a mess.

My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can't decide how to fit each into my future, I'm struggling & demotivated at university, and I've had no success dating and just can't figure out why.

I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I'm afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I'm AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I'd stay stuck where I am.

What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people's life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I'm looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.

What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.

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[–] Sterile_Technique 4 points 8 months ago

I’m struggling & demotivated at university

Of all the stuff you've mentioned, this is the one with a price tag attached to it (unless you're in one of those cool countries that actually takes care of its people), so I'd make top priority getting the school shit figured out first, whether it's restructuring your study schedule, reducing your course load, or even dropping out to come back later when the other shit calms down a bit -- what you DON'T want to do is just stay in classes you're not passing, or you'll wrack up an enormous bill (again, depending on country).

That said, your school might have the resources you need - some offer mental health services to students... whether its the specific flavor of mental health that you need I guess'll depend on their staff, but it's worth looking into at the very least. I'd make an appointment with your academic adviser and see if they can point you in the right direction.