So I thought I had figured myself till now. But I was clearly wrong...
So the last few days have been incredibly confusing as I reflected on my gender identity. I'm definitely a boy, that's for sure. I wouldn't want to go by any pronouns except he/him. The they/she stuff simply isn't me.
I don't want to dress up in a feminine manner (I don't think I would be comfortable in skirts and thigh highs and what not...). Like... I haven't tried that yet, but I really doubt I would be much interested in it. I like my current wardrobe.
HOWEVER, I want a feminine-ish body. Like... not boobs or anything. I find boobs quite repulsive. BUT I would definitely love to have a more feminine butt/dick. I like tucking, WHILE loving my dick.
I hate body hair/facial hair. The only place that I like hair on is my head. And while my hair is long-ish, it isn't girl-like long. Like... the intention is not to look like a girl.
I dunno, it's weird I suppose... Here's one way to put it. If estrogen didn't give me boobs, I would LOVE to take it. I would love to have a higher voice, better head-hair, and a girlier butt and dick. BUT I would still identify as a male while being in male-like clothes.
What the hell am I? I'm definitely not trans. I don't think I'm a femboy, as I would hate doing makeup/wearing skirts n stuff. I'm so confused.
Oh, and I'm gay if that's relevant.
Yea I suppose so. But if I want non-booby growing estrogen, do I still qualify as cis? That's the problem with me rn. I was unable to figure this out, which is where ppl here (mainly [email protected]) helped me with. I think I might be some sort of nb. I'll definitely need to look into it a lot more to be sure ofc.
When it comes to language, I prefer to avoid prescribing strict rules in favor of descriptive analysis. Labels get all fuzzy at the margins, so the answer to your question probably tells you more about the person answering it than it does about yourself.
To be clear, I don't see any conflict in a dude who takes non-booby-growing-estrogen identifying as a cis guy. I'd understand such a declaration to imply that the man making it has a wider view of cisgenderedness than most folks, which is also totally valid. Heck, I see my moustache as a feminine affectation even though it gets me "Sir"'d a lot. XD
Take your time! I figured myself out at age 11 back in the 90's, but it was a few years until I was certain of it and a few more years after that before I found the nonbinary label. I still don't have a term for myself that feels specific, but finding yourself can be a lifelong journey and I'm proud to have helped you take one of those steps. ๐ธ